It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 26

December 31, 1991

The past week had been really eventful. Dave and Krist babysat Lorelai a lot while I discussed the new house with my parents and Kurt. 

"I'm going to have to work a lot more," I said, getting ready for New Year's. 

"No you won't," Kurt said. "I'm paying too, remember?"

"But you're not paying for all of it."

"Ruby, the house is under my name-I'm paying for it. You're helping pay for it."

"The house is under my name, too."

I felt really left out. Kurt and my parents went through the whole process of buying the house together. I wanted to go through that process, too. I mean, what if I didn't like the house they bought? What if I absolutely hated it?

I knew that Kurt would look for another house for me-he was just the type of person to do that. But, I wanted Kurt and I to buy a house together-as a couple. He and my parents bought the house-I didn't. It was all them. I wanted to help contribute towards that, but Kurt didn't want to stress me out. 

I was so thankful for what they had done, but at the same time, I wanted to help, too. 

"What are you thinking about?" Kurt asked, hugging me from behind. 

"Nothing," I avoided the situation. 

"Come on, Ruby."

I got out of his grasp and started to take the food out of the fridge. 

"Kurt, drop it," I snapped. 

"No, I'm not going to drop it. Tell me what's bothering you."

"I'm just upset. It's going to start an argument and I don't want that."

"Please, Ruby? I promise it won't."

"I just wanted to be a part of the process too, you know? We haven't really done things together."

"What do you mean?"

"You bought a house without me. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for that, but at the same time, I wanted to buy a house with you. You're my boyfriend, Kurt. If we're going to be living together, I want to help find a place together."

"So, you don't like the house?"

"No, no, I love it. Kurt, I really do love it. I do. But, I don't know."

"No, I know what you're saying. If you don't want the house-"

"Kurt, that's not what I'm saying."

"It sure fucking sounds like it."

"What's your problem?!"

"My problem? You're the one that's mad because I got you out of this apartment!"

"You're not listening to me! Nevermind." 

I went back to prepping the food and that's when Kurt walked away. 

"I did listen-that's the problem," He said before walking out of the apartment. 

I was so angry at him. I was trying to tell him something and he got mad. I shouldn't have said anything-I knew I shouldn't have. But I did and it caused a problem. 

"Honey, we're home!" I heard Dave's voice shout and I got relieved. 

I ran to him and hugged him tightly. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked. 

"Nothing," I let go of him. 

"Obviously there is. Something happened between you and Kurt."