It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 154

February 4, 1996

"May I get a water, please?" I asked the waiter. 

"Of course," He walked away. 

I turned to everyone and felt left out. There was Krist and Shelli, and then Dave and Jennifer. There was still no one for me. 

I was doing fine being single for the past two years. Would I prefer to have a boyfriend or a significant other? Of course, but I would never be able to ever again. I wished that I could've. I wanted so badly for someone to love me and I love them and we be together forever. I knew that would never happen for me. 

It was just wasn't for me and that upset me.

"Here's the iced tea," The waiter came back and handed everyone their drinks, then turned to me. "Here's your water and your margarita."

"I didn't order a margarita," I said. 

"Someone else did for you."

I raised my eyebrows in confusion. "Who?"

"That man over there," He pointed to a man sitting on his own at a booth. 

I got a long, hard look at him and gasped as soon as I realized who it was. 

"That's-"

"I know!" The waiter interrupted me. "Sorry, I'm just completely flustered now. Are you guys ready to order?"

We all ordered our food, but I couldn't help but wonder why he bought me a drink. He was obviously interested and I was flattered, but I was going to have to turn him down. 

"I'm going to have to go give this back to him," I told everyone. 

"Why?" Shelli asked. 

"I can't drink alcohol."

"Are you allergic?"

"No, she's not," Dave stepped in for me. "She just can't."

I smiled at him. "Last year, I was in a really bad spot with Kurt and everything. I was an alcoholic for a couple months and it was really bad. I don't want to go down that path again, so I'm just going to stay away from alcohol for a little while."

"I'm sorry," Shelli apologized. "I didn't know."

"It's alright," I brushed it off, nervous as hell to go bring the drink that someone else got for me back to them. I felt horrible on so many different levels. 

I stepped out of the booth and approached the man. He smiled as I walked up to him. 

I was about to return a drink back to Ethan Hawke that he gave to me.

"Hi," I smiled at him. 

"Hello," He eyed the margarita. "I see you got the drink I sent you."

"Listen, I'm sorry, but I can't accept it."

His face fell. "Well, why not?"

"Because I just can't drink alcohol."

"Are you pregnant?"

I laughed. "No, no, I'm not pregnant. I just can't drink alcohol. It's something really personal."

"What drink would you like instead?"

"Um, it's alright, I already ordered a water."

"Nonsense! I would like to buy you a drink. Anything. On me."

"Ethan-can I call you that?"

"Of course," He smirked. 

"I'm sorry, I just don't want any drinks right now. I'm fine with my water."