It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 74

November 21, 1992

"Ruby, are you ready?" He asked me. 

"Yes, I'm ready," I got my shoes on. Kurt was taking me out to a piano bar. 

Nancy was watching Lorelai and Melissa. 

"We'll be back," Kurt told Nancy. 

"Alright," She said. 

"Here, go get the car started, I think I forgot something," Kurt handed me the keys and ran back inside. 

I got into the car and sat in the driver's seat. We'd probably be late if Kurt drove. He came running out and told me to drive quickly and he would give me the directions as we went. Once we arrived, he pulled me into him and kissed me. He wrapped an arm around me as we walked into the bar. 

One of the first things that I noticed was that it was very quiet and no one was in there. There were just a bunch of empty tables. Was it really that shitty of a restaurant?

We were able to pick our table and Kurt picked the closest one to the piano. That's how I knew that he set it up. 

"Hey, why did you rent this whole place out?" I asked him. 

"Because I want it to be special," He said. "I have the money for it, why not use it for the best?"

I smiled. "Thanks for taking me out."

"We should do it more."

After we ordered our drinks, I realized what Kurt was doing. He was going to propose to me. He brought me to the piano bar to take me out. He rented out the whole restaurant so that no one else would barge in or interrupt our moment. 

I was smiling uncontrollably and that was when Kurt asked me what was making me so happy. "Oh, nothing."

Our drinks came out and then we ordered some food. Kurt and I always did this thing where whenever we went out to eat, we would split our food-we would both get two different dishes and give half of it to each other. 

"Are you excited for Brazil?" Kurt asked. 

"Yeah. I'm really excited to see you perform, too."

"Oh, yeah. That."

"Listen, Kurt, are you feeling okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"With withdrawal and everything."

"Oh, yeah, I'm doing alright," He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. 

"You're obviously not."

"Okay, well, I'm well enough to be doing things that are normal, okay? It's going to take me a while to get back to normal, but I will."

"I know you will." He always felt like no one believed in him. He really was trying. He didn't want to be labeled as a junkie, especially when he was three daughters, but that's what the media did-they overexaggerated everything to make things interesting. It was ruining Kurt.

"Did you think of me romantically when we first met?"

"No."

He blinked in a surprising way. "Well, that response was quick."

"I just didn't think of you in that way. I noticed you and I noticed your presence. You weren't really talking, so I didn't find anything interesting about you until we talked, you know? Did you?"

"No," He mocked me. 

"I'm being serious."

"No. I really didn't. I thought about you and your ex-boyfriend and how you probably had never gotten over him."

"Wow. That's kind of rude."

"No it wasn't. I don't understand how you would be coping with that kind of shit. For example, I had this girlfriend named Tobi. If she would've killed herself (at the time that we were dating), I don't know how I would be able to move on, you know?"

"Well, when you find the right person, it's easier."

He smiled. "Yeah, it is."

Our food came out shortly after and we split our food with each other. 

"This food is very exquisite," Kurt imitated a chef's kiss. 

"It is very good," I chuckled. 

After he was done eating, he asked me if I wanted to dance. 

"No," I replied. 

"Come on."

"No."

"Fine. I'll just dance with that waitress over there."

I stood up and gripped his arm so hard that I could feel my nails digging into his skin. He was taken aback by it, but seemed satisfied in a way. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder as we swayed back and forth. I was incredibly anxious. Was he going to propose inside of the restaurant or would we go outside and do it? What if he was going to sing a song to me and then get down on his knee and propose. 

He let go of me at one point and got down on his knee. I covered my mouth with my hands and I started giggling as my stomach filled with butterflies. I got a tingling sensation sent through my whole body. My smile quickly faded as he looked up at me and I noticed that he was just tying his shoe. 

Wow. 

My stomach fell and I got extremely upset. He stood back up and noticed that I was upset. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked. 

I was pissed. "Can we just go?"

"Wh-"

"I'll fucking pay if that means that we leave now."

He flinched. "Um, sure. Let me just get the check."

He sat back down and I walked outside of the restaurant and sat on a bench that was right outside the door. He really just did that. I really thought that he was going to propose to me, but instead he decided to tease me. I should've saw that coming. Kurt didn't really seem like the type to propose. 

Maybe that meant that we didn't belong together. We both wanted very, very different things. 

"Hey, ready to go?" He asked. 

I stood up and led him to the car. I got in the passenger seat after he unlocked the car, slamming my door shut. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it, shut the door, then drove back home.