It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 53

August 21, 1992

"I'm going to explain why I reacted like that yesterday," I told everyone in the living room-Shelli, Krist, Kurt, and Dave-while I brushed and braided Lorelai's hair. "Well, Dave already knows, but that doesn't matter."

"Wait, is it about Robert?" Kurt asked. 

I nodded my head slowly and I could see that he was a little irritated. "You don't have to listen if you don't want to-no one's making you stay here."

"It's fine, Ruby. Just say it."

"Ow, Mommy!" Lorelai whined. 

"I'm sorry," I put the brush down and started braiding her hair. "There was one time where Dave and I went out and we went to eat (I forget where). But, as we were eating, this couple got into a fight and-"

"Were you pregnant with Lorelai?" Shelli asked. 

"Umm," I couldn't remember. 

"You were," Dave replied. "You were like three months or something-it just looked like you were bloated."

I flipped him off and smiled. "Anyway, this couple got into a fight and the girlfriend ended up punching the boyfriend really hard in the nose and she started telling him that he was a piece of shit, all that kind of stuff-she was just degrading him. So I looked at Dave and I walked over to her and I punched her in the nose. She just looked at me and she looked so fucking pissed off."

"It looked like she was about to murder Ruby," Dave added. 

"Then, I could see the boyfriend take out a knife from his hand, and I ran away and pulled Dave out of our booth and we ran into the bathroom and we locked the door," I continued. "I was so terrified. I had my telephone and I called Robert. The boyfriend and girlfriend knew that we were in the bathroom and they were hitting the door and yelling for us to open it up. Robert answered and I was sobbing and I told him, 'Help me. I'm in trouble, Robert. I need you.' He asked me what was going on, but I couldn't say because I just heard a high-pitched scream. Dave took the phone from me-obviously frustrated that I wasn't talking or anything-"

"No, I was frustrated because you called Robert and not 911."

"Oh. That's understandable. Dave told him the name of the restaurant and hung up the phone. Someone said, 'It's safe to come out now.', but we couldn't trust them. What if it was the boyfriend? So, we just stayed in there."

"Where the workers?" Shelli asked. 

"They were probably in the back and calling 911. No one helped us-they were all too scared." I replied. 

"Wait, this was at a restaurant?"

"A fast food restaurant. Dave and I were sitting down in the bathroom and I was getting myself so worked up. He was calming me down and had me think of baby names. He was coming up with these really, really ugly baby names. He was saying Gertrude and Bob and Ferdinand and just stupid names. But then, we heard the police sirens and someone tried kicking the door open and they said, 'Police open up' and then I heard a voice say, 'You can't be in here.' Then, someone else said, 'MY GIRLFRIEND IS IN THERE! SHE'S IN THE BATHROOM!'-it was Robert. I opened up the bathroom door and I ran out and saw Robert and-" I could see Kurt and I couldn't imagine how he was feeling, so I didn't give as much details. "I hugged him and he said, 'Jesus, don't scare me like that, Ruby. I thought you were hurt'."

"Jesus, how old were you?" Shelli asked. 

"I don't really remember," I replied. "Dave, do you?" He shook his head 'no'. 

A wailing sound came from upstairs-Frances. 

"I'll go get her," Kurt walked upstairs. 

He came back shortly after holding his daughter and smiling down at her. He loved her-everything about her. I didn't blame him. She was adorable. 

"Hey, what did Courtney say yesterday that made you kick her out?" I asked him. 

"Oh, it doesn't matter," Kurt shrugged it off. 

"Kurt, what did she say?"

"She was just saying shit about you."

"Oh."

"It was about why you were upset."

"Oh," I said on a happier note. I didn't really care if she was making fun of me because of what happened while she was over. I just fucking hated her. 

"It doesn't matter, though," He said. 

I stood up and held Frances as he made her a bottle. Him and Courtney were going to switch between formula and breast milk-they didn't want just one. 

"Do you want to feed her?" He asked me. 

"Um, it's okay," I had to decline. 

"Why not?"

"Because my stomach's too big," I chuckled. "I'm going to go take a bath."

"Use the bathroom down here."

Again with him not wanting me to use the stairs. I kissed him softly. 

"I'll be fine," I assured him. "I'll be fine."