It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 56

August 30, 1992

"We're starting in an hour, Ruby," Kurt was freaking out backstage. 

Through all of his panicking, he was thinking about me. He knew that I wouldn't be able to stand up the whole time, so he made sure that I had a chair to sit down on-a comfortable chair with cushioning. So now it was my turn to help him. 

I took his hands in mine and made him look at me. "Kurt, hey, it's okay."

"We're playing in front of thousands of people!"

"Hey, you're supposed to be sick!" Krist hollered from the other side of the room. 

I smiled remembering their wonderful plan for their prank before the show starts. 

"Hey, do you want to go get ready for it now?" I attempted to distract him. 

"No, I wouldn't want the wig to get dirty."

"You're going to be sick; does it really matter?"

"Give me a second."

"Kurt, where's the bathroom?"

"I don't know, Ruby."

I started shivering. It was really cold outside. I had a jacket on, but it wasn't heavy enough. Kurt warned me to get a bigger jacket, but I didn't listen to him. 

"You need a jacket?" He stood up and handed me his jacket that he was wearing. 

"Thanks, Kurt."

"I'll go get my other one, okay?"

"Alright. I'm going to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

I went around asking people where the bathrooms were, but either everyone was busy or no one was listening to me. But I thankfully bumped into Dave-I knew he would help me. 

"Hey, Dave, where are the bathrooms?" I asked him. 

He looked straight at me, rolled his eyes, then stormed off. I turned to my left and saw a sign that led to the bathrooms. I quickly went to the bathroom, washed my hands, and walked back out. I saw Dave leaning against the wall, so I decided to talk to him. 

"Dave!" I yelled. "Hey!"

He looked at me and quickly looked back down. "What?"

"What the fuck was that about?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I asked you a question and you just walked away."

"Oh, that."

"Dave, what is going on? You were perfectly fine this morning."

"Well, I'm not right now, okay? Just leave me alone, you'll make it worse."

"No. Tell me."

"You really think that having a baby shower celebrating yours and Kurt's baby was the best idea? I still love you, Ruby!"

"I-I-" I stopped talking. I didn't know what to say. I thought it was selfish of him to be upset about that, but then I stopped. He was happy for me during that and he didn't bring it up during then. 

I wrapped my arms around him, not expecting him to do the same, but he did. 

"It's okay, Dave," I whispered softly. "It's okay."

He let go of me. "I'll be fine. I just need some time to myself."

And just like that, he walked away.