It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 84

January 25, 1993

I stared at myself in the mirror, wondering if I would regret what I was wearing. I was wearing a black silky dress, but it was lingerie. It wasn't really revealing-especially since I didn't have big breasts-but it was still a little suggestive. If Kurt was going to be wearing pajamas, so was I. It was very revealing, but it showed off my form very well, clinging onto my waist. 

I wanted to cry. Not out of happiness, but out of sadness. I was having my thoughts about getting married to Kurt. With him cheating on me, it was hard for me to trust him again, but I know that he wouldn't cheat on me again. There were some other factors, though. Such as him leaving to go on tour all the time. Their new album was just going to make them more successful, meaning that they were going to be gone more. 

But, Kurt made me feel happy and whole. He made me feel safe and I could count on him for anything. I was lucky. 

This was going to work out. 

And it was good for our family, too. Melissa's parents would be married. We were all going to be a family. 

"Hell-Oh my God!" Shelli yelled. "Your whole ass is visible!"

"You're serious?" I had to change. 

"No. You look great. Not the most appropriate for a wedding, but it's alright."

"How's Kurt doing?"

"I don't know."

"How do you not know?"

"Because he's just worrying about you and if this is what you want to do."

I looked at myself in the mirror again. I nodded my head. "I do want to do this."

"Are you just telling yourself that?"

"No. I want to do this. I want to marry the love of my life."

She smiled. "You look beautiful. I love your hair, too."

"I just curled it."

"It still looks good."

"Do you think it's weird that I'm going to get married in lingerie?"

"Your whole relationship with Kurt is weird, Ruby. So, no. This is normal for you guys."

"Alright, let's do this."

"Dave wants to talk to you first," She walked out as Dave walked in. 

He immediately shut his eyes. "I feel like I shouldn't be looking."

"Dave, is it that bad?" I was growing nervous now. Maybe I shouldn't have done this. 

"No, it's fine," He walked over. "Just...let me see the front."

I turned to face him. "It's not really revealing."

"It's not at all."

I sighed in relief. "Good."

"Ruby, do you really want to do this?"

"Yes, I do."

"How do you know?"

"It just feels right in my gut. I know that it's the right thing to do."

"Are you sure? You're getting married in lingerie right now and your parents aren't even here."

"It's not what I imagined, but I think it'll be nice to have two celebrations."

"I know."

"Dave, are you sure you even want to be here right now? Don't you still have feelings for me?"