It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 159

December 13, 1998

I stared at myself in the mirror as my mother curled my hair. 

After all these years, I was finally getting the wedding that I had deserved and been waiting for. I had been waiting for four years, but it was worth it. 

I was getting married to the love of my life. 

I had thought that Kurt's and Robert's deaths were a sign for me to give up on love and that I should never love again. But, once I met Ethan, I felt like I couldn't give up on him. Not that easily, at least. 

At first, I was very cautious and knew what I was getting myself into. I thought long and hard about our relationship and I knew that I wanted to be with him, but I was also very scared for myself. I knew that I had a strong attachment to him and the way that he made me feel. 

He made me feel safe. He made me feel wanted and appreciated. He didn't make me feel like I was worthless at any time, or made me feel like I wanted to harm myself in any way, or want to kill myself. No, those were feelings were gone and they were in the past. 

Ethan opened up a new side to me that I had never seen before and I thanked him for it everyday. He knew how he impacted me, but he made sure to let me know that I impacted him positively as well. He let me know that I wasn't his first serious relationship, but I was his last. 

I snapped out of my thoughts as soon as I heard crying. 

"Mom, what's wrong?" I asked her, staring at her reflection through the mirror in front of us. 

"You look so beautiful, Ruby. And I'm so glad that you're happy. You deserve this after everything that you've been through. And so do your girls."

I smiled. "Thank you, Mom."

She chuckled. "Do you remember the first time we met Ethan?"

"Oh my!" Shelli exclaimed. "I want to hear about this! I haven't heard yet."

"Basically, I didn't tell my parents who he was," I explained to Shelli. "And my dad is a huge fan of Ethan Hawke, alright? So, I brought him home and my mom and dad were already ecstatic at the fact that I was dating again. And as soon as my dad saw him, he literally screamed." I started laughing hysterically, replaying the moment in my head. My dad did a high-pitched scream. "And that startled Ethan, so he yelled to, but my dad continued to scream. My mom had to slap him."

"Your father's ridiculous," My mother shook her head softly. 

"Do you like him?" Shelli asked. 

"Yes," My mom replied. "He treats her way better than her other boyfriends."

"You never really liked Kurt, though," I added. 

"After he cheated on you, I wanted to kill him."

"Alright, that's enough of that," I chuckled and my mom sighed. 

"I'm done with your hair," She covered her mouth. "Where are the clips at?"

I handed her the flower clips that she put in both sides of my hair. Then, she took two pieces of my hair and tied it into a braid in the back of my hair. 

My mother and I never really had moments like these growing up. We didn't bond until we got older, so it was really nice and refreshing to have one of these moments with her. Every mother and daughter should be able to experience this type of feeling/bonding with each other. It upset me to think that some never would be able to.