It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 60

September 13, 1992

Melissa Genevie was born at 12:01 A.M. on September 13, 1992. Kurt had put on a suit and helped deliver the baby. Lorelai had hurt worse than her, but that could have also been because I was a teenager and now I am an adult. 

Melissa laid in Kurt's arms, sleeping. Kurt watched over her like a hawk-he had not left her side ever since she was born. He had never experienced that before and I bet that he was freaking out internally, too. But who was he helping? Me. He was putting me before himself. 

I knew that Kurt would be a different kind of father figure in Melissa's life. Not only did he have Frances and Lorelai, but he didn't really know how to be a dad-he didn't know what being a dad was. How do you learn something? You watch other people do it. He never watched his dad be his dad. Even when he was with his mom, his stepfather was abusive towards her. But, because of that experience, now he won't know how to act. 

"Can I hold her?" My mother whispered. 

"Go wash your hands first," I told her.  

She went into our bathroom, washed them, then held Melissa. 

"She's so precious," My mom's eyes lit up. The way that she looked at Melissa was so precious. 

Kurt walked over to me-the first time since I had given birth-and kissed me. 

"You are so amazing, Ruby," He told me. "I love you so much."

"Thank you, but I would like to hold my daughter, too. You've been hogging her this whole time."

"You can hold her after your mother."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically. 

It was hard to believe that I had actually given birth. Just looking at Melissa gave me butterflies. She was my second daughter-she was my first child with Kurt. Who knew if we would have other kids after this? If we were to stay together forever, I would definitely have more kids with him. 

Melissa. 

Melissa. 

I kept repeating the name in my head. What a beautiful name for a beautiful child. 

"She's so beautiful," Kurt said. 

It was as if he had read my mind. 

"Mom, can I please hold her?" I held my arms out as my mom put Melissa in my arms. 

Looking down at her made me smile. She was my daughter. We were one at one point. It astounded me that she was inside of my stomach an hour ago and now look at her. She was in my arms. 

"I'm never letting go of her," I announced. "She's mine now."

"A mother's love for her daughter is something special, Kurt," My mom told him. 

I looked up at my mom, knowing that she was referring to her love for me, too. 

Melissa started crying, so I rocked her softly, but she didn't. 

"She might be hungry," My mom suggested. 

I pulled down my hospital gown and started feeding Melissa and she stopped crying. 

"Wow," I chuckled. "Wait, Mom, when is the play?"

"The one that your father and I are taking you to go see?"

"Yes."

"Oh. It's at the end of this month."

"Mom, what date?"

"The twenty-fourth."

"Oh. Okay."

"What? Is that alright?"

"Would that work out with Melissa?" I asked Kurt. 

"Yes. We would just find someone to watch her."

"What about Frances and Lorelai?"

"Courtney can start seeing Frances again by next week. Courtney can watch her and then someone will come to our house to watch Lorelai and Melissa."

"You're going to want the break, believe me," My mom said. 

"I believe you," I chuckled. 

I was not ready for us to go back home and live those lives. It would never be the same again-in a good way. I would go back home with the love of my life and our child-our beautiful daughter. 

"When is Lorelai coming?" I asked my mom. 

"Probably later in the day."

I smiled and looked down at Melissa again. She was sleeping, but I still remembered her eyes-her beautiful blue eyes. She would probably keep them. I hoped she had Kurt eyes-his eyes were spectacular. 

"I want to rest for a little," I said, handing Melissa to Kurt. "You guys can still talk. I'm so tired that I won't even hear you."

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I woke up and saw Lorelai holding Melissa on a chair. 

"This is my sister?" She asked Kurt. 

"Yes," He replied. 

"What's her name?"

"Melissa."'

"I like that name. It's a pretty name."

But then, she started crying. 

"Did I do something?" Lorelai panicked. 

"No, no," Kurt looked at me and expected me to be asleep, but he saw that I was awake and smiled. "Feeding time."

He handed me Melissa and I checked to see that my dad wasn't in the room, so I quickly took off my shirt and fed Melissa. 

"What if my dad walks in?" I asked.

"I'll go tell him that you're feeding her," My mom took Lorelai and walked out of the room. 

"Kurt, we have a daughter together," I started softly crying. 

"I know, I know," He held my hand.

It was an unexplainable feeling-having a kid. No other feeling compares to it. It was a feeling that every mother experiences at some point in their life and I was ready to feel it again. 

"I want to have more kids, Kurt," I blurted out. 

"What?" He asked. 

"I want to have more kids with you."

"You do?" His eyes lit up. 

"Yes," Now I was crying. 

He kissed me and cupped my cheek. 

"I would be delighted to have more kids with you," He spoke in an English accent.