It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 79

January 16, 1993

We had arrived in Sao Paulo, Brazil, the night before, but we were all exhausted and immediately went to sleep. Shelli had decided not to go; She didn't really want to. 

I woke up and remembered that Kurt had brown hair. It was really weird to think that he would have brown hair. He's had, like every single hair color so far-blond, pink, blue, red, and now brown. He was acting weird, though. Because of his withdrawal, he was just acting weak constantly. He wasn't having it. 

"Hey, wake Kurt up," Krist said softly. "We have to get to the venue early."

After he left, I softly nudged Kurt. I felt horrible doing it because he felt sick and just wanted to sleep. God knows how much sleep he got. 

"Hey, Kurt," I said. "Time to wake up, okay? We can take a shower first, okay? But we have to get up and get ready."

He just whined and continued to shut his eyes. "Kurt, I need you to wake up, okay? We don't really have time for this. I think we're going to go out for breakfast." 

No movement. I knew that he was hearing me. I was starting to get a little annoyed, but I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

"I'm going to go start the shower; would you like me to take it with you?" I asked him. 

No answer. 

"Okay, well I'm going to get undressed now."

No answer. 

I gave up. 

I walked into the hotel's bathroom and started the shower. I took out our shampoo, conditioner, and body wash, then placed them inside of the shower. I took off my clothes and locked the door so that no one would walk inside. 

"Kurt, I'm getting in the shower now!" I hollered. "Come on!"

He was still laying down. 

"Kurt, fucking come on! We have to hurry! We have to leave!" 

"Fine!" He groaned and got up as I got into the shower. 

I got my hair wet, then put the shampoo in and that was when the door opened and I saw Kurt's naked self. I was angry with him for ignoring me, so I just moved a little for him to get in. There was barely any room and we were very smushed. 

During the whole shower, we didn't even talk to each other. We finished washing ourselves at the same time and we both wrapped a towel around ourselves and did our own thing without speaking a word to each other. It was hard to be around Kurt while he was acting like this. 

I put on some clothes, then put my hair in a braid since it was still really wet and we were in a hurry. 

"Ready?" Kurt asked. 

"Yeah," I mumbled and walked out to the living room.

"Finally!" Krist exclaimed, but then immediately felt the tension. "Let's go eat some breaky breakfast."

I put on my sandals and we walked out into the lobby. There was a lot of people roaming around in the hotel and I prayed that they wouldn't know us. Kurt wore his sunglasses, so no one really noticed him because he had brown hair now. No one had seen him yet. Dave and Krist wore hats, but people definitely noticed us due to Krist's abnormal height. 

We got our breakfast and then sat down at a table far away from everyone else. 

"I don't like how you ignored me this morning," I told Kurt. "It was rude."