It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 69

October 30, 1992

"Let's see how your Halloween costume looks!" I held Melissa up in the mirror as she was bundled in a pea costume. There was a little hole for the head and there were little green balls going down her front side. "You're so adorable!"

"Mommy, look!" Lorelai ran to me and she was wearing Princess Aurora's pink dress with a little tiara on her head. 

"You look gorgeous," I kissed the top of her head. "Do you like it?"

"I love it."

"Let's go see what Shelli thinks."

We all walked to the living room and Shelli gasped. 

"Absolutely gorgeous," She clasped her hands over her mouth. "Lorelai, you look so beautiful. Ruby, is that a pea?"

"Yes," I chuckled. "It's her first Halloween costume and it's a pea. I feel like such a terrible mother."

"What was Lorelai's first Halloween costume?"

"A pea..."

"This same exact one?"

"No, no, I had to get one that was smaller that would fit Melissa."

"What will you be wearing?"

"I'm not going to wear anything."

"Come on, you have to."

"I don't even have anything to dress up as."

"Just wear something...sexy."

"I've been a mom since I was a teenager, I don't own anything sexy. I'll just dress up as myself for Halloween."

"Ruby, come on."

"No, no, it's truly alright." Then, someone knocked on the door. "I never wanted to dress up anyways."

I opened the door and Krist was there carrying bottles of beer. I looked behind him in hopes to see that Kurt was there, but he wasn't There was just darkness behind him. 

"Come in," I stepped aside to let him through. 

"Wow, nice costume," Krist shut the door behind him. 

"Time to change out of it, we don't want it to get ruined, now do we?" I asked Lorelai.

She rushed upstairs and changed out of it as I changed Melissa back into her outfit, then put her down to sleep in the crib in Kurt's and my closet. I didn't want to make the decision of switching her into her own bedroom until he came back. But, if I was being honest, I felt better with the thought of her in our closet, that way I wouldn't have to walk all the way to the hall every couple of hours in the night just to feed her. 

I put Lorelai down to bed right after, kissed her goodnight, then went back downstairs with Krist and Shelli. It was weird sitting with just them. It was rarely ever just me and them, but Dave was busy. 

"Do you know when Kurt's coming back?" Shelli asked Krist. 

It was as if we were all anticipating for it, just sitting down on the couch and waiting for someone to knock on the door and see Kurt standing there looking happy. I hoped that he was happy when he came back to see us all. 

"He's supposed to come back today," He answered. 

"I know, but what time? Do you know?"

"No. I mean, for all we know, he could arrive tomorrow at exactly 12 A.M."