It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 59

September 12, 1992

After about a week, Kurt had gotten Frances back, but like we predicted, Courtney wasn't allowed to see her.

I woke up to the sound of Frances bawling. I looked to see if Kurt was going to get up, but he was sound asleep. He had been up all night dealing with her and he was kind enough to let me sleep. 

I got her out of her crib and took her downstairs. I checked the crib to see if there was any breast milk, but there was none and there was not enough formula for her. I couldn't let her starve, so I did what any mother would do and I breastfed her. 

It took a while for her to latch on-I hadn't done it since I first gave birth to Lorelai-but she eventually got the hang of it and ate. I hoped that she wasn't uncomfortable due to my large fucking stomach in the way, but she seemed satisfied. 

Frances was so beautiful and precious. She was so tiny and skinny-she was like Kurt. Her eyes were very big, too. 

I switched from my breast to the other breast when I heard Lorelai's voice. 

"Mommy, what are you doing?" She asked me. 

"I'm feeding Frances."

"But she's biting your boob! Mommy, does it hurt?!"

I chuckled. "There's milk in in my boobs, Lorelai. Babies are supposed to drink milk from there. You drank milk from them when you were younger."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"That's yucky, Mommy."

I shook my head. "It's how we were made."

"Where's Daddy?"

"He's sleeping. Lorelai, don't go wake him up; he's really tired."

"Okay."

Once I finished feeding Frances, I put her back down to sleep and made some breakfast for Lorelai. Kurt came downstairs about twenty minutes later with only his pajama pants on. 

"Thanks for letting me sleep in," He kissed me. 

"We ran out of formula and Courtney's breast milk, so I fed her."

"You mean you...?"

"Yes. Are you frustrated with that?"

"No, I just find that a little...weird. That's all."

"Okay. Oh, I think Frances pooped. You can change her."

"Ruby," He rolled his eyes. "No-"

"I got up."

"Jesus Christ," He chuckled. 

"I'm going to go change really quick," I told him. 

As I was walking upstairs, I felt something wet drip down with my legs. My eyes opened wide as I looked down and saw a puddle of water. 

Shit. 

No. 

I was not ready. 

I started shaking and gripped onto the bannister for support. My heart dropped as I realized that my water just broke. 

We weren't ready-Kurt was in his fucking pajamas. 

"KURT!" I screamed, not intending for it to be as loud as it was. 

He ran to me. "Ruby, are you okay?"

I turned around and looked at him with a worried expression on my face. "Kurt, my water just broke."