It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 149

June 23, 1994

My wrists were ruined. 

They had cuts all over them. 

I thought that things would get better for me after I read those tapes, but things just got worse. 

I missed Kurt more than I ever had. 

I still hadn't listened to my tape Kurt made for me, though. 

I couldn't. 

I decided to go take a shower and winced as the warm water hit my scars. 

That was my fucking fault. 

I took down every picture of Kurt that was visible to the eye and put it in the garage. 

I was also packing up everything in the house. 

I was going to move out. 

I couldn't stay here anymore. 

I couldn't stay in the place that my husband had killed himself in. 

I shut the shower off after I finished and wrapped a towel around my body and put my hair in a hair towel. 

That was when the doorbell started going off multiple times. 

I walked downstairs and unlocked it, then opened it up. 

Dave, Jennifer, Krist, and Shelli were all standing in the doorway. 

"You have not talked to us in, like, a month," Dave said. "Come on. Whoa."

He looked around and saw that there were, like, no decorations up. 

"What happened to all the pictures?" Dave asked. 

"I don't honor people who kill themselves, so I took all the pictures down," I told him. 

"Did you break them?"

"No, they're in the garage."

"You're moving?" Jennifer asked. 

I nodded my head. "That's why there's boxes everywhere."

"How have you been doing?" Dave asked me. 

"I've been okay," I told him. "Do you guys want any drinks or anything?"

"Sure," They all said in unison. 

I didn't even care that I was in just a towel. 

I really didn't give a fuck anymore. 

"Are those Kurt's ashes?" Jennifer asked, pointing to a vase at the top of the fireplace. 

I nodded my head and reached up to grab a cup when I heard someone scream. The cup slipped out of my hand and broke. 

"Great," I sarcastically chuckled. 

Someone yanked my arm and I winced is pain, but then saw Dave examining my arm. 

I pulled my arm out of his grasp. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I asked him. 

His eyes widened and he was speechless. 

I hid my arms behind my back. 

"What happened?!" Krist rushed over. 

I walked into the pantry and grabbed a broom, sweeping all the broken pieces of the cup into the dustpan. I threw them away and Dave was still staring at me.