It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 55

August 27, 1992

My parents had agreed to watch Lorelai while we all went to the U.K. for Nirvana to play at the Reading Festival and Frances stayed with Courtney. We flew to the U.K.-I wasn't passed 36 weeks-and it did not take that long. When we arrived at the hotel, we all immediately passed out (Dave, Krist, Shelli, Kurt, and I were the only ones that went). 

I woke up the next morning and saw Kurt laying down next to me. I kissed him on the cheek and got out of bed, walking to the bathroom and took a piss. 

"Ruby!" Kurt shouted. "I need to take a shit, hurry up!"

"My mouth's open!" I joked and flushed the toilet and opened up the door to find a disgusted look on Kurt's face. 

"You're fucking disgusting."

"Shut up, you love me," I kissed him and brushed my hair and teeth. 

I looked at my stomach in the mirror and in the middle of me thinking about Kurt's and my baby, I heard the father of that baby groan and heard a plop and a splash of water.  

"I need to get out of here," I chuckled softly to myself and walked out into the main room. 

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"Hey, Shelli wants us to go to the store," I walked outside and saw Kurt smoking a cigarette.

"To get what?" He gave me a quizzical look. 

"I don't know; she gave me a list."

"Why do I have to go with?"

"Don't be such a baby. Kurt, I think that short hair has changed you."

"I know, I'm a lot sexier."

"Five minutes then we're leaving," I shut the back door and slipped my flip-flops on. 

The door opened and Kurt got his shoes on, frustrated that Shelli was making us do her shopping. I didn't mind-I wanted to see what it was like to shop in the U.K. 

"So, where exactly are we going to?" I asked him. 

"Just the store right across the street," He pressed the down arrow on the elevator. 

I grabbed his hand. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You seem stressed out."

"I just have a lot on my plate, Ruby."

"Is there anything that I can help with?"

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, revealing no one in there. We stepped inside and pressed the first floor button. 

"No, you can't help," He finally said as the elevator made its way down. 

I let go of his hand and sighed, thinking about what was really bothering him. He wasn't really starting any conversation with me. He didn't seem happy, either. He was smiling and happy while smoking his cigarette, but now he wasn't. Did I do something to upset him?

"Ruby," He smiled at me as the elevator doors opened. "I'm not mad at you, okay?"

It's as if he knew what I was thinking. I smiled and nodded my head, walking out of the elevator. 

"I'm just stressed out, that's all," He grabbed my hand and started walking. 

That was when everyone started crowding around us. Noise everywhere. From my left, from my right, from above me. Everything was caving in, it was as if everyone was taller than me.