It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 136

March 29, 1994

It was the day that he was leaving to go. 

"I will not be gone for long, I promise," Kurt took my hands in his. "I'm going to work really hard on myself and I'm going to do this. I'm going to come back home a new, loving father and husband. I'm going to be better for you guys."

It was harder to let him go because the last time I did, he was going to kill himself. I didn't want something tragic like that to happen again. I wouldn't be able to take it. 

The doorbell rang, and Kurt and I both looked at each other in a surprised manner. We weren't expecting anybody. 

He opened up the door and saw we both saw Wendy. 

"Kurt," She hugged him. "I've been meaning to come sooner, but I've been super busy. My, your girls are getting big! Anyway, sweetie, I really hope you're doing alright."

"Yep, I'm fine," He answered shortly. 

She walked inside, uninvited, and didn't even acknowledge me. I wondered if she was actually upset that Kurt had overdosed, or if she just wanted to come over for the hell of it. 

"Where are you going?" She asked, eyeing the suitcases. 

"He's going to rehab," I answered for him. 

"Why is he going to rehab?"

"Because he needs to get better."

"Why wasn't I included in this decision?"

"Are you fucking serious?!"

"Ruby," Kurt placed his hand on my back. "Mom, this was a decision that wasn't up for debate."

"Mommy, you said a bad word," Lorelai pointed her finger at me. "Naughty, naughty."

"You're right," I said. "I'm sorry."

"Well, what are you going to be doing all this time?" Wendy asked me. 

"I'm going to be taking Lorelai and Melissa to Los Angeles with my parents because we're going for a family reunion. The only reason why I can't go as the same time as Kurt is because it isn't until tomorrow and I'm going to be traveling with my parents."

"Oh, well, that's exciting."

"It was very last minute."

"It's a shame Kurt couldn't go. I mean, if he wasn't off going to rehab-"

"I've had enough with your snarky comments. If you keep insulting me or my husband or any of my family like this, I will kick you out of my fucking house, do you understand? It's already hard enough that he's going to be leaving and you're not making it any easier."

"Ruby, I have to get going," Kurt said. 

I looked up at him, tearing up. "You what?"

"I'm going to be late. Krist has to take me."

"Isn't he coming here?"

"No, I'm driving over to his house."

"I can drive you over there."

"Ruby, no."

"Why not, Kurt?"

"That's just going to make it harder on you."

I sighed, rubbing the tears out of my eyes. "Girls, say goodbye to your father."

Kurt kneeled down on the ground and opened his arms. Lorelai ran to him and hugged him, then Melissa, and lastly Frances. 

"But, Daddy, you just came back," Lorelai started to cry. "Why are you leaving again?"

"I have to go somewhere to feel better," He answered, putting a brave face on. 

In all honesty, I didn't trust him fully that he was going to drive to Krist's house. He was probably going to be making a run for it. But, if he was really going to do that, then that just meant that he wasn't willing to be better for us and his family. Then we would have some serious consequences. 

I hugged Kurt. "I had a really nice time yesterday."

"We should do it again sometime."

"When you come back?"

"Of course."

"I'm going to visit you, okay? I promise."

"Where are you going?" Wendy asked him. 

"I'm going to the airport to fly to Los Angeles," He replied. 

"Oh how lovely."

I kissed him for a very long time. "God, I hate this so much. When you come back, things are going to be better, okay?"

"Okay, Ruby. I have to get going. Goodbye everyone! I love you."

"I'll come outside with you," Wendy stood up and walked outside with him. 

I shut the door behind him, having an off feeling about all of this.