It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 95

September 13, 1993

"Yeah, it was good," Kurt took a sip of his drink. 

Shelli walked up behind me. "How does your life feel?"

"Hm?" I asked. "That was really random."

"Look at you. You're having people over for your daughter who just turned one. Your husband is a celebrity."

I never thought about it like that. I really felt like a mother in that moment. I was throwing a birthday party with my husband with our family and friends. It made me really happy and proud at what I had accomplished. Without Robert, I was still able to be happy. 

It made me feel upset that whenever I thought about my happiness, it was always tied back to Robert and how I overcame everything, but in reality, I never overcame it. I couldn't let go of him no matter how hard I tried. 

But looking at Kurt playing with Melissa and Lorelai and Frances made me happy. There weren't a lot of children like there typically would be at a birthday party, but we were still fairly young, so we didn't have any friends that had children yet for us to invite. 

"Ruby, get over here!" Kurt called me over. 

"I love my life," I finally answered Shelbi's question and walked over to the kitchen table. 

"Go ahead and shut the lights off," Kurt said and I did as he told me to do, then we all started singing happy birthday to Melissa as she sat in her high chair. Kurt took a video of it and I grabbed the cake off of the counter and brought it over to her high chair. Once we were done with the song, we all waited for Melissa to blow out the candle, but she took too long and Lorelai blew it out for her, causing us all to laugh. 

"That was very nice of you to help her," I smiled and rubbed her back. She was a wonderful big sister. She always tried her hardest to prove her dominance over Melissa, though. It was entertaining at times. 

I brought the cake over to the counter and started cutting up different slices for everyone to eat. Kurt helped give them out to everyone. After everyone got their piece of cake, I grabbed one for Kurt and I and we sat down next to Melissa at the table as we watched her eat her cake. 

"She's so messy!" Kurt chuckled. 

"She's a baby," I told him. "She's going to get messy."

"She has chocolate all the way on her forehead, Ruby," My mother criticized us. "What are you guys raising-a ruffian?"

"Alright, tone it down," I lightly chuckled and leaned my back into Kurt.

"Here, I have to go for a second," Kurt pushed me up gently and walked out the front door. 

Where was he going? 

"Stand behind Melissa," My mom told me just as I was about to follow Kurt outside. 

"Alright," I stood behind Melissa and I smiled as my mom took a picture. 

"Ugh, she's getting her clothes dirty," My mother kept complaining about Melissa getting dirty. She was a baby eating cake. Wasn't that bound to happen? Babies and cake do not mix well together. 

I slipped off her shit and pants, leaving her in her diaper. I placed the clothes on the kitchen table. 

"Here she is," Kurt placed a hand on my shoulder. 

I looked at him, but my attention was drawn to behind him. 

My heart dropped. 

James Hetfield was standing right behind my husband. 

He was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. His hair was flying behind him and his beard was very noticeable. 

"This is my wife, Ruby," Kurt introduced us. "Ruby, this is James."

"I'm a huge fan of your music," That was all I could say and I internally punched myself. 

"I'm honored," He shook my hand and then pointed to Melissa. "Is this your little one?"

I backed away from her so he could see her better. "Her name's Melissa."

"Hi there," He smiled at her and started making faces at her. 

I kissed Kurt and hugged him. "Thank you so much. I'll repay you later tonight." I smirked at him. 

He knew how much this meant to me. I had always wanted to meet Metallica and meeting James Hetfield was good enough. 

My mind still couldn't process that he was literally standing in my house. In my living room. Thinking about all the times that I used to play their songs on the guitar when I was a teenager and just fantasizing about meeting them one day made me feel so hopeful in life. 

Melissa started laughing at James as he continued to make faces at her. 

"Who is this man?" My mom asked me. 

"You know all the songs that I used to play on the guitar?" I asked her. 

"What about them?"

"He wrote those songs."

"Oh," She seemed unsatisfied and walked away. 

I rolled my eyes. 

"She's so adorable," James walked next to me. "Hey, so Kurt, why didn't you want to go on tour with us last year again?"

"What?!" I blurted out. "You said 'no'?!"

"Oh he didn't tell you?" James folded his arms across his chest. 

"No. It's not that big of a deal, though."

"I already gave Kirk an answer. It wasn't you guys, it was Guns N' Roses."

"That makes sense," I replied. He hated them and Axl Rose. Specifically Axl. I didn't like what he stood for, either, but he definitely was a good-looking man. 

"Well, I'm going to get heading out," James patted Kurt on the back. "Nice meeting you and your daughter. See you around."

After he left, Kurt told me he would never be doing that again. 

"He seems like a prick," Kurt said. 

"He's just pushing your buttons."