It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 121

January 26, 1994

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I threw my hands up into the air. "You just got here!"

"I know, I'm sorry," Kurt looked down at the ground. 

Kurt had just told me that he was going to be leaving again to go back on tour for In Utero. I couldn't stand to hear that news. It wasn't fair. They hadn't been here for that long. I wished that I would've known ahead of time, and not this soon. They were going to be leaving tomorrow. They weren't going to be leaving until the night, though.

It didn't matter. 

They were still leaving. 

"God, Kurt," I sarcastically chuckled. 

"You're acting like it's my fault when you know damn well it's not!"

"No, but you can do something to prevent it. You're like the most famous person in the world right now!"

"We have to work on stuff for our new record, Ruby. You don't fucking get it, do you?" 

"What don't I get, Kurt?"

"This happens every fucking time-I tell you when we're leaving and you just get pissed and angry with me as if you already don't know that we're going to be leaving!"

"No, I do know, I just get upset, Kurt. There's a really big difference."

He had a point. I got upset everytime and it wasn't fair to him. I really loved him and I hated it when he was gone. I felt really lonely whenever he was gone, but whenever he was home, I felt complete. 

Without him, I felt like nothing. 

I didn't want to feel like nothing anymore. We were a married couple, but it barely felt like we were-with him always gone. I mean, the girls were probably going to grow up majority of their life with Kurt gone on tour a lot. They didn't deserve that. 

God, the girls were going to miss them so much, too. 

I took a deep breath in, then out. 

"I am sorry, Kurt," I hugged him. "I need to stop getting mad; you're right."

"Ruby, that's not what-"

I placed my hands on both sides of his face and kissed him. "I know what you mean."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Did you guys get into an argument once he told you?" Dave asked me as we sat in the backyard with Krist, Kurt, Shelli, Jennifer, the girls, and my parents. 

"I wouldn't call it an argument," I replied. "We were bickering, but then I calmed myself down and we stopped."

"Ruby!" I could hear Kurt cackling. "Come over here with us!"

"Duty calls," I walked away from the patio and into the grass with Kurt, Lorelai, and Melissa. "What?"

"You know, for complaining so much about not being with me, you seem to be away from me a lot."

I laid down onto his lap. "I am sorry and I won't do it anymore."

"You know, I didn't think that I would ever find someone like you in my life."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Just...your persona and the way you are. I never thought that someone like that would be attracted to someone like me."