It's Better to Burn Out than Fade Away-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 39

March 29, 1992

I sat down on the couch and panted. The whole day we had been moving, so we decided to rest for the afternoon. We managed to get everything out of the apartment and into the new house. We used my car, Krist's car, Gavin's car, and a U-Haul truck. We had enough room for everything. Lorelai went to daycare, though-we couldn't have her running around. 

At around dinner time, we decided to stop for the day. Everyone was tired and that was all the help we needed. The rest was for Kurt and I to unpack and put all the boxes where everything belonged. 

When I first entered the house, I thought that it was so nice. It was away from everything and we had no neighbors- we were in the middle of nowhere and I was so happy about that. No one knew where we were. I had always wanted that. Kurt and I were debating on having a midwife, but I didn't want anything going wrong that wouldn't happen at a hospital. 

Our new house was the perfect place to have a wedding. I had been wondering if Kurt was going to propose to me anytime soon. He didn't seem like the type to take marriage seriously, but I knew that he wanted to have a family of his own-a family better than the one that he used to have. I mean, I could propose, too, but it wouldn't be as traditional. I didn't want Kurt to say yes out of pity, either. I would be more satisfied if he proposed to me. But, who knows if he would ever do that. 

"We're home," Kurt kissed me and I could feel his sweat running down his nose. 

"You need to take a shower," I chuckled. 

"Do you want to help me?" He whispered. 

"Sure," I smiled. "Later, though."

"Once everyone leaves."

"We have to get Lorelai soon."

"Okay."

Kurt and I drove off to get Lorelai while everyone else stayed at the house. When we arrived, Lorelai looked so happy to see us. Everyone in the room that was working looked so surprised to see Kurt Cobain, but they didn't ask for any autographs or anything-which was very kind of them. 

"You ready to go, kiddo?" Kurt helped Lorelai put on her backpack. 

"Yep!" She jumped up and ran out of the door. 

I thanked the teachers and walked out holding Kurt's hand. As we were driving home, I reminded Kurt that we had to find a school for Lorelai to go to. She was going to be in kindergarten. I was not ready for her to be going to school yet. I missed her so much and I felt like I never got to see her. She was growing up so fast. I remembered the day that she said her first words, her first steps, her first everything. 

"You should teach her how to ride a bike soon," I told Kurt. "I want to do all of the traditional things."

"I want to, too. How about we get her that for Christmas?"

"Or her birthday."

I turned around to make sure she didn't hear us but she was in her won world looking out of the window. 

"How was school?" I asked her. 

"It was good!" She smiled and looked back out of the window. 

When we pulled into our driveway, Lorelai looked so confused. 

"Whose house is this?" She asked. 

"It's our new house," Kurt smiled. 

We walked inside and she gasped as she walked inside. 

"THIS IS OUR NEW HOUSE?!" She screamed and ran straight upstairs. 

All kids loved houses that had stairs. 

"Someone's excited," I heard Shelbi say as we walked inside of the kitchen. 

"We're all excited," I said. 

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"We can't come with," I told Kurt. "Lorelai will be starting school and I have to start working more to pay the bills."

"Ruby, stop stressing yourself out," Kurt smoothed out my hair with his wet hand. 

We were taking out first bath together in out first house together. It was very relaxing. The last time we had taken a bath together was the last day he was home before he went on tour. Or maybe it was the second to last...I couldn't remember. 

"Kurt, what are we going to do about yours and Courtney's baby?" I asked him.

"I don't know, Ruby. But we'll figure it out; we always do."

"Not always," I muttered. 

"Come on. Don't be so pessimistic."

"Sorry, I'm just nervous."

"Of what?"

"You had sex with her, Kurt."

He rolled his eyes. "You have to remind me?"

"Sorry, nevermind," I shut my mouth. I didn't want to start an argument and I knew that if I kept talking that it would just start one. I was too exhausted for it. 

I noticed that Kurt was about to say something, so I kissed him to stop him. He smiled up at me and pulled me on top of him. 

"No sex," I told him. 

"That doesn't mean we can't do other stuff," He winked.