Cigarette Daydreams | Shameless x reader

Twelve

When I woke up Ian was gone, the kids were still asleep though. I checked the time and slowly got up, I grabbed some clothes and got changed in the bathroom.

My face was pale with pink around my eyes, bits of my cheeks and chin. I must've cried a lot last night, huh? I brushed through my knotted hair, brushed my teeth and went back to the bedroom to grab my bag.

"I heard about last night, how you holding up?" Fiona asked leaning against the counter, she looked tired and stressed.

"I'll be alright." I smiled pulling out a donut from work from my bag. I quickly took my pills then ate the donut.

"We care about you, y'know that right? Even if you went on an episode, we'll still be here for you. It'll hurt but we're family and we care for you." Fiona said on the verge of tears walking over to me.

We kinda just stood there hugging for a bit. I pulled away eventually and said how I had to go home, we said our goodbyes and I made my way home.

I feel like such a burden. I feel like I'm gonna turn out like Monica or David and I don't want to hurt the people around me. I walked home in tears, silent tears. Once I got home I walked straight upstairs, not even saying hi to my family. I went straight to my bed and wrapped myself up.

I can't do this, I feel like I'm such a mess. I don't want to be like this, why me? Why couldn't it skip all the generations including mine? At least it's not my brothers, I'd cry if they had it or one of my friends like Ian. I don't know what I'd do if I had to see him like this. It's hard enough watching myself go through it.

"Hey darling, you alright?"

I looked up and saw my father, I started crying harder. He walked over to me and picked me up and held me like you would cradle a baby.

"Its gonna be okay, I'm here for you."

And I felt something again. I felt like a piece of me that has been missing was put in place.

"I love you Y/n, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I wish I never had bipolar, that way you never would've gotten it."

I cried pushing my head into his chest. I feel safe? I feel like I'm closer to feeling again.

"My sweet baby girl, I'm so sorry for putting you through this. I never should've stopped taking my meds, I never should've left."

"Its okay dad." I smiled grabbing his face. We cried together, my brothers soon came in and joined on the hug. I feel like everything is gonna be okay. As long as I have my family and friends it'll be okay, and I'll get through it.

Eventually we broke the hug, I got up and got ready for the date, my first date. Well it wasn't really a date more like a hangout but he wanted it to be a date so the least I can do it look good. I put on some makeup and nice enough clothes.

I walked downstairs, took my pills and sat on the couch with a snack. "Why are you wearing makeup, you hardly wear it."

"I'm hanging out with a friend today." I smiled getting up to put on my shoes since he texted he was here.

"Is your friend a boy?" Kaden asked jumping up and looking out the window. "Holy shit, you're going on a date with Edward Nelson?"

"Its not a date!" I giggled getting up.

"Well he has flowers."

Oh

I quickly grabbed my purse and left ignoring my brothers and father asking questions. When I walked out he turned to me and smiled, I smiled back.

"For the lady."

"Thank you, you're too sweet. I didn't know you'd get me flowers." I smiled holding the bouquet.