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Fourty-Five

"I feel like I have to claw my way into Ian's life. I don't know what to do, I mean I'm happy he's helping people but it hurts being put last y'know?" Trevor said taking a seat in his office.

"Yeah he's been blowing me off lately too. I feel like I did something wrong. It's fucking with me so much I'm fucking in a depressive episode again and if it weren't for these meds I'd be in the hospital." I sighed fidgeting with my hands.

"Do you want to try and talk to some of the kids about the importance of mental health? I mean I know you're not y'know fully sure of your sexuality but you can still talk and you are studying psychology and stuff."

"Yeah sure. Tonight is it?" Trevor nodded. "Don't worry I won't blow you off like that fucker." I laughed lightly tearing up.

"You're fucking strong y'know that?"

"I'm weaker than I put out to be, but thanks. On the inside I'm a scared little girl who just wants to feel safe and loved. But God forbid I get that, right?" I chuckled.

Time skip

"I know I'm not Ian or as many of you see him as Gay Jesus, I'm his bestfriend. I've been studying for psychology the past two years at university and my friend Trevor has asked me to speak to you all." I said to the fourty-three kids sitting in front of me. "Being a human in this society especially LGBTQ is so hard and it will affect your mental health so fucking much. Everyone has mental health, it's your emotions and how they affect you each day. One day you may be sad the next happy, that's your mental health..."

I did a speech on mental health and how important it is to care for it and what it exactly is. I talked about some mental illnesses and answered questions.

"Thank you to the people who came today. I know how hard bad mental health is, I mean mine is shitty right now and I wish so badly to be at home in bed with a billion blankets over me. The reason I'm not doing that is because it is so important to fight against bad mental health. If you don't it will win and you'll have to deal with it because that's all you feel you can do. All illnesses affect people differently but each one is hard to deal with. You are not alone, remember that, there will always be someone to help you." I smiled before getting off the stage.

The kids Clapped and Trevor talked a bit before the ones who didn't live here left which was most surprisingly.

Time skip

It's been a few days, I've been in bed the whole time. Well not the whole time since I've had some stuff to do but I just have felt so depressed and stuff.

I was about to slump back into bed when I got a call. It was Ian.

"Hello?" I asked after answering.

"Hi! Oh my gosh I've missed you! I'm doing this thing tonight at a church and it's risky but I need you there. For me. Please?"

"Yeah whatever just send me the address." I said before he hung up.

I went downstairs and got in my car. I drove to this church he sent to me. When I got there I got inside and got in a room to talk with Ian.

"Ian what the fuck are you doing?" I asked crossing my arms.

"Doesn't matter but I may have to go away for a while."

"Ian. Tell. Me. What. You. Are. Fucking. Doing. Or. I. Will. Shove. Lithium. So. Far. Down. Your. Throat. You. Will. Be. Too. Tired. To do whatever the fuck this is you're doing." I said holding my bottle of Lithium.

"Just giving me one will make me fired Y/n/n."

"Fuck you mean?"

"I'm off my meds. Stopped a few days ago."

"Okay so get back on them or I'll stop taking mine like we dealed." I said walking towards him.

"You have to keep taking yours."

"Y'know what. Fuck you. You hardly talk to me for two months, the only months I've got off and can see you everyday might I add, then just come and call me to come visit you to tell me you're gonna get yourself hauled off to fucking jail? And for what? Some fucking gay movement? You've done enough for these kids!" I said shoving him lightly while raising my voice. "You're fucking destroying me! I've spent the last few days in my bed so I don't end up doing something ill regret because I'm so fucking tired and feel so alone. You can't leave me. Not again. I won't lose you again. I already lost Mick, you're all I have! I can't lose you again, eight months was long enough." I said now balling my eyes out.

"I have to go do my thing now." He said before leaving.

He got everyone outside. A van was outside and one of the kids had a fucking towel.

No fucking way

"My God's a F****t, my God's a d**e, my God is Trans, a whore!" Ian yelled before the van blew up behind him. "We will not fall victim!"

I can't fucking do this

I ran away. As fast as I fuckinv could I ran. I ran til my legs gave out. I ran til I couldn't breathe. I ran til my vision went black and I crashed.

The next thing I knew I was in the hospital with Trevor on a chair beside me.

"Hey." I said softly looking at all the shit tubed onto me.

"You're awake!" Trevor said before calling a doctor over. "I heard about what Ian did. I saw your car parked, one of the kids called me when they saw you running off."

"Is Ian okay?"

"Jesus you could've died and you're asking if Ian is okay?" He laughed.

A doctor came over and said I was okay but I sprained my ankle running. I was let out and Trevor drove me to the Gallaghers.

We got to the door and knocked and Fiona answered. "Hi is Ian here?"

"I don't know, I just got here." Fiona answered.

"He's not here, I don't think he came home last night." Debbie answered.

"Have the police been here yet? They have a warrent for his arrest."

"What the fuck did he do?" Fiona asked almost yelling.

"He blew up a building, he's off his meds, told me before he did it. Wouldn't listen when I told him not to. After he did I ran away and almost severely injured myself." I said still shooken up.

Trevor drove us back to the scene. The van was all burnt and stuff. Fiona tried calling Ian a gazillion times, he didn't pick up.

Trevor drove back to the shelter and I got one of the kids to drive me to the Gallaghers, I gave them two hundred for the Uber and as a thank you. I ended up sleeping all day again. Lip and Fiona kept trying to find Ian.

Time skip

Ian has been arrested. It was on the news. I haven't found it in me yet to visit him. It's been a week since the arrest. He was completely manic in all the videos of him. I feel broken. I haven't gotten off mine but fuck.