Pay The Price

Kabanata 45

Humugot ako ng malalim na paghinga at lakas ng loob bago ako pumasok sa bahay ni Dimitri. I saw him leaning on the table top waiting for me at umayos siya ng tayo nang makita ako. Dahan- dahan kong inilabas ang papel at saka iniabot sa kaniya kaya nabalot ng pagtataka ang mukha nito.

"Resignation paper?" Nakakunot ang noo niya habang sinasabi iyon. I nod at him.

"I want to resign, Dimitri." Mahina kong sabi. Napalunok siya at hinawakan ang kamay ko. Nakita ko rin ang pamumutla niya nang marinig ang sinabi ko at gulong- gulo niyang hinahabol ang paningin ko.

"Why? Is this because of our misunderstanding last night? Look, I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have told you that you are doubting my feelings." Huminga siya ng malalim. "Baby, please, don't go."

I want to tell him I didn't want to but I had to do this. "I just don't feel like I belong there, Dimitri. Pakiramdam ko ay ang liit- liit ko. Pakiramdam ko ay ang baba- baba ko. Mas ayos pa sa akin na maging waitress na lang ulit sa restaurant kesa ipagsiksikan ang sarili ko sa lugar na hindi ako tanggap."

"Who made you feel inferior? Bella, just try again. One week, baby." Iniwas ko ang paningin ko sa mga mata niya. They are pleading and I never thought I'd see him almost begging for me on his knees just to not go.

"Fine. Pero kung pagkatapos ng isang linggo na iyon ay napagdesisyonan ko na umalis, maghahanap ka na ng bagong assistant. Papakawalan mo ako." Dimitri reluctantly nod as I left him no choice but to set me free after that week.

Hawak ang kamay ko ay iginiya ako ni Dimitri papasok sa office ko. He became so attentive to me now that he always looks at me and always shows affection even in front of his employees. I gulped as I saw him walking to my office again. I need to push him away from me. I don't need a reason to stay here. Kailangan kong panindigan ang desisyon na hindi na magtatrabaho dito.

Kaya naman mabilis akong umalis sa office ko. Nagpaalam ako sa kanila na mag- c-cr lang. Noong naghuhugas ng kamay ay pumasok rin si Kristine. She smirked at me at galit ko siyang tiningnan. I'd like to say she ruined everything but I would be hypocrite to do so. Ako naman talaga ang may kasalanan. Ito ang kabayaran noon. Sakit. This is how I should pay the price.

"What do you need Kristine? Wala akong lakas makipagtalo sa iyo," Sabi ko at saka nagpunas ng kamay. I heard her evil laughter afterwards.

"I guess you're slowly feeling the pain. Nakipaghiwalay ka na ba? Takot na takot na sabihin ko sa kaniya ang totoo?" Nakangisi niyang sabi.

Bumuntong hininga nalang ako at nilagpasan siya. Dumiretso ako sa office ko at nakitang nakaupo sa swivel chair si Dimitri. He smiled as he looks at me. Yayakap sana siya ngunit umiwas ako. Fuck. I think I am only hurting myself even more every time I avoid his touch. I ache for it. I ache for him.

"Why are you avoiding me, Bella?" With a clenched jaw, he asked.

Napabuntong hininga ako. "I just feel suffocated, Dimitri. I need space."

His expression turns to hurt and pain. "You are suffocated by me? Why, Bella? What did I do?"

I bit my lip as a tear fell from my eye. He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve to be hurt like this.

"Baby what is happening to our relationship? Are we going to fall apart? I can't bear to think about it but I think that's why you are avoiding me. Are you tired of me? Am I losing you, Bella?"

Napatingala ako sa pag- agos ng mga luha. Hindi ko siya masagot kung makikipaghiwalay ba ako sa kaniya o ano. Sobrang sakit. Mabuti nalang at nakita ko ang isang text ni Hernanda na nagsasabing pumunta na ako sa kaniya ngayon kaya may alibi ako para umalis. Hinila ko ang kamay ko at patakbong umalis sa office ko habang umiiyak. Pumara ako ng taxi at saka nagpadiretso sa bahay nila Hernanda. I just wish Dimitri didn't follow me.

Pinakalma ko ang sarili ko bago bumaba sa taxi. I took a deep breath before sitting in front of her. Her eyes are concerned because of my looks. My eyes are probably puffed because of crying.

"Ang hirap pala ng pinasok ko na ito. I can't love him freely. Pakiramdam ko ay nakakulong ako." Umiiyak ko na namang sabi.

Hernanda touched my hands. "Sweetie, let's just forget about the debt. What's important is that you are in a relationship with Dimitri. You made him happy."

Umiling ako sa kaniya. "I didn't. I am hurting him." Sabi ko sa kaniya. Nanlaki ang mata niya sa akin. "I resigned. I am slowly pulling away."

"Why, Bella? Ano ang nangyayari?"

"Kristine knew about our plan. Kung paano niya nalaman ay hindi ko alam. She told me she'll tell Tri the truth before I did. Gusto ko siyang unahan, Ma'am. Pero natatakot ako dahil ayaw ni Dimitri sa katulad ko. I was just like the killer of his parents. I planned something against his back. So tell me, even if I tell him everything, will he still love me the same?"

"But he will understand. He surely will because he loves you."

"Babayaran ko ang utang ni Papa. Sasabihin ko sa kaniya ang totoo. What will happen next might be unbearable pain or overflowing joy but I don't care. I just want to clear my name. Gusto kong patunayan sa kaniya na hindi ko siya minahal dahil kapalit 'yon ng pera. I love him because my heart beats for him."

I just hope I have more days to gather that strength.