Pay The Price

Kabanata 67

Dimitri

The years after my parents died wasn't easy. I feel like I was alone on an icy dark road, looking for a light so I can walk on the right path. But truth is that, the world never shine brightly the way it did when they were still by my side. I constantly miss them. Every time I do, I always go back to our house in the mountain. That was the place where we used to spend every vacation. That was the place that held many core memories of us. That was the place that I only feel warm and embraced.

Tito Carlos never made me feel left out. I lived with them until we went to college and Can and I attend the same university. We both took business management. I personally like the course because I am intended to take care of the company that my parents used to handle. Can on the other side seems like he only took it just because his father ask him too. My cousin has a desire for acting just like his mother and he is quite good with it.

It was two years after graduating college that I made the name 'Everett' be known than it ever was. My family even held a party for that. It was exhausting but I had to be there to say my 'thank you' to the guests.

I should feel successful, right? I should feel like I own the whole damn world. But I can still feel my heart having a hollow space. That it isn't still contented. Not until I laid my eyes to the woman who made my heart race in thousands of ages. Bella is the very first woman who made me feel alive. She's the only woman who made me feel like I was in cloud nine.

She's special to me from the very start. My heart would leap in happiness when she gets shy to me. And I would get angry every time I see her with my cousin. They seem so close. Tapos sa akin ay naiilang siya ng gan'yan. Ilang beses ko siyang tinanong kung ano ang mayroon sa kanila. Ilang beses niya rin akong sinagot na wala naman daw talaga. Pero hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko tuwing nakikita silang magkasama. Lagi akong naiirita. Gusto ko na ako ang nasa pwesto ni Can. I want to be the person she laughs and talk with.

Galit ang naramdaman ko noong narinig ko mula sa ilang kaibigan na naroon siya sa birthday party ko. But she left. She left with Can. Fuck. I almost lost my mind thinking where the hell they went. And that's when I conclude I like her. I tried to act cold. Sinubukan ko na huwag siyang pansinin. But when we went on a plane and she got scared and I had to hold her hand, my heartbeat doubled and my chest pound. I suddenly feel what most of the fictional characters in books felt when they found the love of their lives.

Mas lalong tumindi ang nararamdaman ko noong nalaman na sa kaniya pala galing ang badge. Kristine said it was hers but when Garry told me that Bella told her she had to clean the cafe for days, that's when I thought maybe she feel something for me too. Hindi nga ako nagkamali, she drunkenly told me she likes me. Hindi niya alam kung gaano ako kasaya noong narinig kong sinabi niya iyon. The next morning I told her that I felt the same and let her decipher what I just said because she looks so damn clueless. But when she went to my house despite the heavy rain and told me she likes me too, I knew I didn't just like her. I knew I was falling for her.

Every kiss we share with each other has been embedded in my memory. And the night we made love was the best night of my life. But one day, in the office, Kristine blurted out stuffs that made my heart break into pieces again. It was the same feeling I felt when my parents died. It was like I got up on grave and get buried again. Hiniling ko noong araw na iyon na sabihin niya na nagsisinungaling lang si Kristine. Hiniling ko na magalit siya. Na sumigaw siya at sabihang sinisiraan lang siya ng kaibigan ko. But she didn't do any of that. Instead she ran away. She ran away from me. Ipinamukha niya sa akin na totoo ang sinasabi ni Kristine.

I was used. I was played. I was only a payment for the debt her father took.

Pinuntahan ko si Can sa condo niya noong sumunod na araw. I was angry. I wanted to know what the hell is this all about and why am I part of this goddamn game. At noong lumabas si Bella mula sa kwarto ay mas lalo akong tinakasan ng bait. Bakit nandito siya? Anong ginagawa niya sa condo ni Can?

"Fuck you, man!" Sambit sa akin ni Can at saka ako binigyan ng isang suntok. Bella just left Can's condo angrily because I called her names. I was mad at her but when I saw her walking away from me and crying, I want to hug her and beg to say sorry. "You want the truth? Goddamit! Go to Mom and ask her everything. I can't just fucking stand here and watch you hurt Bella." Galit na galit na sabi sa akin ni Can.

Napahawak ako sa labi ko nang kaladkarin ako ng pinsan ko papalabas ng condo niya. I was stone cold when I sit on his car. Mabilis niyang pinatakbo ang sasakyan papunta sa bahay nila. Gulat na gulat sina Tito at Tita noong makita ang parehas na galit naming mukha ni Can.

"Tri, I'm sorry. I'm the one at fault," Kinakabahang sabi ni Tita. Hinawakan ni Tito ang kamay niya at pinakalma siya.

"Tell me everything. Right from the very start. Simulan mo kung bakit mo pinasok sa buhay ko si Bella." Malamig kong sabi sa kaniya.

She told me it happened out of her fear that I might live alone. Sinabi niya na alam niya kung gaano ako nangungulila sa pagmamahal dahil sa pagkawala ng magulang ko kaya naman gusto niya na magkaroon ako ng isang espesyal na tao na magpupunan sa puso ko. Nagtagis ang bagang ko dahil doon.

"Tita, hindi ikaw magdedesisyon para sa akin. I should be the one deciding if I want to fucking have someone." Asik ko sa kanila.

"Alam ko, Dimitri. Alam ko," Tumulo ang luha sa mata niya. "Akala ko ay kasiyahan ang ihahatid ko sa iyo pero lungkot pa rin pala. I'm sorry, Tri. It was all my fault. Don't blame Bella. Pinilit ko siya."

Napapikit ako nang dumating sa bahay ko si Kristine. She's so drunk I had to take care of her. Pinagpalit ko siya ng damit at ipinasuot ang sa akin. That night too, Bella came to me. Lahat ng salita niya ay tumatak sa isip ko. My heart breaks the moment her tears rushed down her face. And I died when I saw her walking away from me. Hiniling ko sa lumuluhang kalangitan noon na palingunin siya. At kung gagawin niya iyon ay tatanggapin ko siya muli. Ako pa ang hahabol sakaniya at magmamakaawang huwag umalis. Pero hindi niya ginawa. She decided to walk away from me.

"That when I told you my feelings, it wasn't made up. When I started loving you, it wasn't an act. It was the truest truth I have ever said and done in my whole life." Paulit- ulit na tumunog iyon sa utak ko. Isinuot ko hood ng jacket ko at naupo sa upuan sa labas ng bahay. I am up in the mountains and it's been two weeks since I came here. And since that two weeks, all I could think about is Bella. It is always Bella.

I entered our house and walk to the large painting of me and my parents. Tinitigan kong mabuti ang nakangiting mukha ng nanay at tatay ko. I pursed my lips and sit in front of it.

"Hey. I never knew loving someone could be this hard." Mapait akong napangiti at bahagyang natawa. "I thought it's just rainbows and butterflies. I never thought it could also be a heavy storm."

Pumikit ako nang mariin at naramdaman na parang may humaplos sa puso ko. I hope they're listening right now so I could know what to do next. "Mom, Dad, I love her. I have never been so serious with anyone but when she came, I knew what I want to do. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love Bella so much it pains me that she's not here beside me." I felt my heart tearing into pieces once again. "I want her back. I want Bella back."

I bit my lip and closed my eyes. I made up my mind. I'll take her back. I will win her again.

Tiningnan ko ang pinakamagandang babae sa buong buhay ko. She's lying beside me, sleeping soundly. Our heated love making just ended and she's very tired. I chuckle lightly at her. Bukas ay magrereklamo na naman ito at sasabihin sa akin na kaya siya na-le-late sa eskwela ay dahil sa akin.

I caress her cheeks. Lumapit siya sa akin at yumakap nang mahigpit. Hinalikan ko ang noo niya.

"I love you, baby." Bulong ko sa tainga niya.

She's like a dream come true. A heavenly angel. Maraming lalaki ang nangangarap na mapasakanila ang tulad niya and I feel sorry for them because they'll never have her. Bella belongs to me. And I will always belong to her.

It's her or no one else.