wonderwall (Septiplier)

four

[Sean's POV]

I bit my lip as the camera began recording,

"Top of the mornin' to ya laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye and today I thought we would play more Turbo Dismount. Sorry for not uploading two videos yesterday, my computer lost the footage."

I lied, in reality I just had no motivation to record. I'd managed to record an episode of Happy Wheels for them but they had picked up that something was wrong, the comments were full of concerns and questions. I hadn't answered any yet though, I was going to do it after I had recorded this video. I sat back in my chair and opened up the first level I was going to attempt,

"So today I thought I would just mess around with some of the new positions that they have added to the game, there might not be too much new stuff for me to record with so I'm sorry if the video is cut short." I lied again, well kind of. I was being truthful that not a lot had been added to the game, but in all honesty, I didn't want to record at all today.

The majority of my day had been spent stuffed in bed playing sad music, I had 3 rounds and a sound by Blind Pilot on repeat because I didn't want to get up and press skip. I'd been so down since the break up, but I don't think it was the break up that hurt the most.

It was the post trauma that followed it, I experienced such a bad pain when I woke up and checked for new messages that I knew weren't going to be there. I told myself not to be stupid and cling onto the hope that she would try and get back in contact, but I did. Now I was stuck in the mess that was like starting my life over again and having no idea where to begin. Of course I had my friends, Mark, Daithi, Felix, they were all great but they weren't who I wanted. As much as I hated it, I wanted Klo.

"Thank you guys so much for watching this episode, if you liked it, punch that like button in the face like a boss! And, high fives all round, wapish wapish. But thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes, in the next video!" I finished my video and cringed at the lack of energy I had just put into the outro, there was no shouting or yelling, just a few hand gestures and a sad goodbye.

I sat back in my chair and decided it was a good time to reply to my comments, it would look even more suspicious if I just completely cut off any communication with the viewers. I'd barely been active on Twitter but I could blame that on my wifi, it was slow occasionally so now was a good time to use it as an excuse. I clicked on my happy wheels videos and scrolled down to the comments,

Jake6395: is it me or does jack seem different in this video? CHEER UP BOSS!

Helenasummerxo: is everything okay Jack?! You didn't scream 'nothing stops the squatch', that's my favourite part!! ps LIKE A BOSS

Jojonono2015: this video lacked a lot jack, why were you so quiet?

I rolled my eyes, thanks a lot. I mean, I know I hadn't put as much effort in but I couldn't help it. Could I? I was doing it again, letting the people I loved the most down. I clicked on 'reply' to Helena's comment,

jacksepticeye: Helenasummerxo I'm just feeling a little bit ill! I will scream it next time

I sent it and clicked on Jojo's comment,

jacksepticeye: Jojonono2015 I've not been well for a while, I'm sorry this didn't live up to your full potential but it's hard to work when you're ill. Please be thankful you actually got a video.

I answered a few more comments with ':)' or 'like a boss' before shutting down Twitter and collapsing myself back onto my bed. I groaned as my phone vibrated next to me, I shuffled over and opened it up. I had a missed call from Mark, I swiped his name across and called him back.

"Hello?"

"Hey, why did you call me?"

"I needed to speak to you. I saw your replies to the comments on the videos, are you actually ill? You need to tell me what's wrong, have you been to the doctor yet?"

"I'm not ill," I sighed, setting the phone down next to me and placing it on speaker.

"What?"

"I lied Mark, in all honesty I just feel like shít. I didn't even want to upload that video because I was so disappointed in it, but I had to get something out there." I heard movement from the other side of the phone followed by the sound of a door shutting,

"Why didn't you call me Sean? I told you that if you EVER needed me I was going to be there. I don't want you to be forcing yourself into doing things you don't want to do, it's concerning for both you and your health."

"I didn't force myself Mark," I said, my Irish accent emphasising the 'ar' in Mark's name.

"From the way you just described it, it certainly sounded like you did. If thi-"

"You know what?" I butted in,

"It's easy for Klo to say that it's over when she's not here in front of me, seeing me in person. Yet I bet if she was stood here in front of me, right now, she'd face a real challenge looking me in the eyes, hearing my voice and seeing my smile and still being able to say that it's not what she wanted any more. I bet she wouldn't be able to do it." My lip trembled as I finished my rant and lowered my head as I began to cry again.

"Sean, Sean stop it. Stop crying and stop thinking about Klo. I know it's hard but you're really not doing yourself any favours, yes it may be different if she was there to say it to you in person but she's not. What's done is done and you need to let go, just like she did." I wiped my eyes and shook my head before leaning closer to the phone.

"She could say it to me in person, I'm sure I have enough money saved to get a ticket over there. I can go and get a real explanation from her, who's going to stop me?" I sobbed,

"Me." Mark snapped.

"You're just being ridiculous now Sean, you are not spending your money on a ticket that will only send you to be more disappointed. I won't let you. What I want you to do is when you get off the phone to me, go and have a shower and a nice meal and then go to bed. Do not do anything else, watch your favourite film and just comfort yourself. Cry if you have to but do not do anything stupid that you might regret. I need to go but I'm expecting you to do the right thing, bye Sean."

"Bye." I croaked, I locked my phone and sighed deeply before running my fingers through my hair. Was Mark right? I needed answers though, real ones, not just guess ones from myself.