Entropy

WG| Chapter XIV: Lake Filthed by Sorrow

Markus

The mind-exploding pain inside me after Blathnaid has been announced the new Queen of Evanity made me wander off, far away from the high-end city. Just to keep the city safe in case I lost control of separate consciousness. I feel the Wrath wouldn't, but just to be sure.

I fly away from Ourdera, getting away from the blue light rays. I want to feel the darkness as soon as possible. Its intensity hurts my eyes. The coolness of the night is present. Verantuvia's Protectors shield the planet from becoming a barren wasteland.

Feeling as if I am far away from the star, I land in a place with hot springs and geysers. The remnants of Jerusai's once land are still present. Is it a memorial? No people are touring it as a national park. The hot park is left off to steam in peace. The heat inside me flares up, telling me that the closest magma source is only miles below. Verantuvia is not safe from supervolcanoes either. Forgison told me that super eruptions happen, but mostly in history.

I step into a massive lake that is boiling away. I place my hands in hot fluids from the lake to wash my face. Heavy exhales fume out as I ponder about the night. That's what I needed.

I would never have thought that I would care about people again. It was only Harry and Alicia and that was years ago. Harry might be dead by now and Alicia is dead. Thinking about my mom and step-father, I don't agree why I am still calling him that, runs my blood cold. God, only focusing on it makes my throat go dry and the starving feeling never goes away. If I stayed in the house and never listened to my grandpa, none of this would've happened. There is a positive chance that I could've been dead.

I just never understand why my mother hated me so much. If she hates me, she could've abandoned me out on the streets or killed me. My skin sizzles as my blood now crisps my skin into a black diamond. It's been decades and I have never gotten over it. Elliot treated me like another sex outlet. The alcohol and heroin in the mix have escalated it further. It stained my soul and not even a savior from the Heavens would clean out.

If I had never listened to grandpa, I wouldn't have killed many people. I should've stopped myself the moment my grandpa was still insisting after he exploded from the books' power. I wouldn't lose control. What did I have to be so dumb? My humanity will be spared from two beings inside my head, fighting to slaughter and overpower. They never cared about Alicia. I pity her because her mother treated her unfairly too. She was on a different level, but still. I could've just graduated and ran off with her, to start a new life. I would be her brother raising her. I don't know how to raise a kid, but I ought to be better than my mother.

Again, why am I blaming grandpa? It's all my fault for listening to him. After being bullied and abused at home, I was so damn feeble and weak. So desperate that I desired a way out. It was my choice to take his word and pick the Dark Angel's ritual. Only those that did care about me were Naomi and Blath. Naomi is somewhere and Blath is gonna be Queen soon. I can't win. I guess my punishment isn't finished. Pissing off a parent only lasts days to months. Pissing off the law will take months to a lifetime. Pissing off a God is going to last forever.

A long exasperated exhale escapes my lips as I battle buried thoughts of pulling a trigger. There was no gun in the house and when I did try to end it all; it never worked. It always failed worse than I did in high school. I gave up. I look up to see the aurora skies. Ourdera's rays on the night sky are still dazzling around. As much as it's inspiring, I don't feel it. This world doesn't entertain me. I was brought into this world with torture and will end up alone. Again.

In the trees, I see a haze outline of a white figure lying still in the grass. I didn't notice it all at first. It also never acknowledged my presence. My wings rip out my back as if it's urging me to fly. I resist, but it persists. Nothing wants to take control, yet something is trying to tell me to go there and check it out. Who is on the other side of the lake that is worthy of my heed?