Entropy

WG| Chapter XXXIX: To Where We Belong

Part 2: Seeking For Forgiveness

Markus

I have never walked inside the house. The oddness of me walking around the house with my two feet is what I never felt before. I went away to Verantuvia and came back. Mr. McKelsey finally managed to calm Naomi down enough to not cause any disturbance. I softly shut the master bedroom door. I know Alicia is haunting this house. She used to read me bedtime stories for years despite being an adult now. I often see her out of the corner of my eye, lingering in the master bedroom during daylight. She was (and never) not a scary ghost. In fact, she did save me before Netedinark went loco in his little cocoon. She never throws anything, growls, or obstructs anything out of anger. She either appears with a smile, calmness, or motherly concern. The sound she produces is her walking on the floors. Her voice is a soothing one, a voice that I always wanted from my actual mother years ago, instead I got her shrieks and shuns.

"Alicia," I quietly call out to her. I have never done this before. I never call for her to appear. She just comes and goes on her own. Naomi and Phil are the same way. Her ghost appears in view.

"Yes, Markus?" She replies. She looks concerned, fearing for the worst.

"I came here to say something that is longly owed. It won't restore your loss, but it's better than nothing," I announce to her. She knows what's coming. The slightly lower curl of her lips is more visible.

"I'm sorry for what I did all those years ago. I didn't mean to try to kill you. I wanted to spare you-Gah! I wanted you to live. I'm sorry for messing your life up! I could've done better!"

She pales. Naomi mentions that it always happens whenever she is flashing back or having a panic attack that she is trying to hide. The violent ones cause her to be weak on her knees, bawling her eyes out. She gets phantom pains in her hand from the time I've attacked her. My sight went in and out during that time. It was the time this wrathful consciousness formed. I really want to throw it out and beat it to the ground.

"I should've fought better," I utter to her, "I didn't want to hurt you, Alicia." I should've fought better to stay tamed. The only positive thing is my fighting spared Alicia's life, but I wished I could've restrained myself even more to avoid more injury.

"I saw your red eyes, Markus the night before you set ablaze," she murmurs, "I saw you murder my brothers and my mother before you came after me..."

I pale and gulp. "I was giving into the wrath. I gave it life and it torn my own, but it is still my fault."

"My life was already a haunting dream anyway..."

"I know and again, I'm sorry for that."

"You never stopped. Were you in control while you killed your classmates that night?"

My eyes widened and my lips curled. "Yes..."

Her voice still tame, but cold, "Mother's adultery, abuse, and her man don't excuse a massacre." She clenches her fists and shakes. God, I wanted to escape, but it turned vengeance towards those who harmed me in a twisted and grotesque way. That damn ritual.

I sigh. "You're right...It doesn't. You have every right to be angry at me. I wanted revenge, but not murder."

She goes into a shaking whisper, "Tell me, why did you become a monster? Not only symbolically, but physically!"

"Grandpa Terri told me about these rituals he once found. They were unruly and inhuman."

She seethes, "I've seen Terri too at the same time Nao began to change. Whoever thinks that adding witchcraft into my family deserves to go to hell."

"I thought it was the only way out. I was starving and hurt. If I stayed under my mother's rage, I would've been killed. You saw her throw a knife at me from the argument at dinner. That is how crazy she is!"

She quivers, "I always thought of my mother as a witch without the magic."

"I know now that I should've ignored Terri and found a better solution," I admit, "I deserved to be in that wheelchair, paralyzed. This is when I wanted to say thank you. Your bedtime stories were actually fun to listen to. You and Nao helped me fight through my days of complete misery like those who actually care about me, despite the fact that I'm a monster. I always wanted to be loved since I was little. You also saved me by dragging me out of Netedinark's cage."

"I was never afraid of that man, nor his evilness. I followed Phil." She places a hand on my shoulder. "As much as I am furious and hurt by what you did in the past, I still find myself being proud of you too. Don't forget, you were rewarded with another chance." She wipes the hair out of my face. "I want you to look after Naomi for me."

"She is a big girl, Alicia," I reply flat out.

"Nah-ah-ah! A mother's concern for her children doesn't go away when they are older, remember that."

"I wish our mother could be like that."

"I agree too."

I sigh and roll my eyes with a smile. "Fine, I'll keep her out of trouble. Maybe." I don't make promises.

"Good."