Short Stories and Oneshots

Whole New Ballpark

Author: Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare 

Platform: Fanfiction.net

Type: Avengers x Rise of the Guardians

Phil Coulson didn't die; he was merely reincarnated into one of North's yetis..:. crack! one-shot that actually makes a twisted sort of sense.

~

The last thing he remembers seeing is Nick Fury's usually stoic face masked in concern and sorrow, and then, Phil Coulson utters his final words, exhales curtly with his final breath, and then he expires into the pitch black coldness of death, nightmarish horses leading him astray.

But a golden stream filters through the darkness, and somehow, he finds himself waking once more, taking a sharp inhale of icy wind and panting furiously as he stumbles to his feet.

He feels heavy but oddly warm, and when he glances down, he lets out a startled noise and yells incoherently; his hands are large mitts of fur, rough pads on his palms and fingers, and when he touches his face, he doesn't feel human skin.

Phil glances around wildly, and to his shock, he finds himself deep in a chain of icy mountains, a flurry of snow just outside the cave he's located in.

"What is this, what's-" and his voice comes out as a garbled grunt, speaking a tongue he doesn't recognize. He thinks briefly of Jotunheim, the Frost Giant planet, but he cant possibly be there; there's nothing that would have transported him there, and hadn't he died? This doesn't add up...

"Ah, another one!" comes a booming, enthusiastic voice, and Phil glances toward the entrance of the cave, a large man with a white beard and red coat lined in black fur headed his way. His accent is Russian, but his rosy cheeks and nose and beard remind Phil of...

"Santa Clause?" he mumbles, again in a foreign tongue, but the Russian seems to understand him.

"Ha-ha! Yes, that would be me, Another Yeti who kept its human memories, eh? Fantastic! Now then, you be comingk with me. Have much to discuss."

Phil blinks, confused, but followed the large man anyhow, if only to get some answers out of him.

They cross hills of snow until a large building comes into sight, and it's festively decorated, despite it being July.

"Where are we?"

"North Pole, of course! Does the snow not give it away?" the tall man chuckles, and he drapes an arm around Phil's shoulders. "This is being your new home now. You are reborn into Yeti, as many great men often are, and you are one of lucky few who remember human life. Come, let us be gettingk you some milk and cookies, yes? And you can tell me who you were, and I can tell you what you will do!"

"I..." Phil is about to protest, but he sighs and nods, continuing to tag along. He's brought into the workshop, and instantly the seeming nonsense about the man being Santa Clause becomes less nonsensical, and entirely true. There are elves and toys everywhere, as well as a giant globe with twinkling lights on it. It doesn't take Phil long to realize those lights must be children. Children who will receive all of these gifts in a matter of months.

"Incredible, is it not? You will get used to it very soon," North replies, and he guides Phil into an office of sorts, although it lacks the traditional supplies of any office Phil is accustomed to. "Now then, won't you be tellingk me your name."

"Phil. Phil Coulson," the man-turned-yeti replies quietly, a bit in awe and still trying to regroup.

"Phil Coulson!" North exclaims thunderously, face brimming with joy. "You such a good boy while you were still tiny tot! Hold record for Nice list. You believed for abnormally long time, nearly as long as Steve Rogers! Which be remindingk me: did you like the Captain America toys I would make for you? Hand-crafted some of them myself because I knew you admired him very much. He is good hero. He has saved so many, even now!" He makes a sad face. "But...this means you are dead. You have been reincarnated into Yeti, because you have strong heart and good will and much faith, but if you are Yeti, then you must have died in battle against Norse myth, yes?" He shakes his head. "Tragic. It hurts me right here," and he gestures to his broad chest. "But there is nothingk we can be doing about it now. Now is time for you to be Yeti. Bring joy to children with toys you will make; or be agent of factory and protect it from outsiders. Can I trust you to do this? Otherwise, you may be free to roam, but you might make strengthen belief in Big Feet if you are caught."