The Poisonous Feather // MHA x DSMP

There's something wrong

Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident or natural disaster. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, lack of trust and even physical symptoms like nausea or panic attacks.
For Tommy, trauma was something that was supposed to make him grow. Just like Wilbur said, it would only make him grow stronger and better. While other children ate vegetables and drank milk to grow stronger and healthier, under the careful eye of their parents, Tommy rarely ate anything and often was forced to stay outside in the rain even when he left like he was going to collapse.

"It's a part of the training" Wilbur said.

"You will be grateful for all I've done for you" Philza said.

"Train harder" Jack said.

"You will never achieve anything if you act like a child" Dream said.

"Crying won't help you boy, it makes you look like a little girly" they said.

One thing he never heard was stop, take care of yourself, it's too much. The constant scenarios of not being good enough or simply failing to make Wilbur proud hunted him every day. He wasn't supposed to care what others thought about him or said, because that made you weak. He couldn't pay attention to anything someone else said because it could be a lie. So Tommy sucked it up and pretended like everything was fine while in reality, it was far from that.

"Grow up Tommy, they won't treat you with mercy at the battlefield"

So Tommy never wanted anyone to look at him with pity or treat him with mercy. It made you weak, unable to protect yourself and easy to target. This way, Tommy could grow tougher and immune to people's lies. Probably why he always followed Wilbur, often having to cancel his usual meetings with Tubbo. Even if Wilbur dismissed him, there was always something in his eyes that screamed at Tommy to stay. And after some time Tommy realized it was nothing else but testing him, to see if he would just leave like that or stay.
If Tommy left, there was a punishment in the form of Wilbur not talking to him and acting like he never existed in the first place. If Tommy stayed, there was a punishment of Tubbo being upset and possibly losing their friendship. But Tommy didn't blame Tubbo for anything, he himself had his own problems and Schlatt on his head which often made him unable to visit.

That was, of course, before Tommy saw Fundy dying in his arms while he himself was bleeding out at a incredible speed. But nothing mattered as much as his nephew.
Even if Wilbur acted like nothing happened once they respawned and came back to their base, greeting them like good old friends. But it didn't go without a glare from Wilbur, which then Tommy realized was a threat. If he mentioned anything, he was sure he would have to face an angry Wilbur who would not calm down easily.

Of course, there was one way to please Wilbur.
And in his words, killing an innocent child was enough.

"Kill him Tommy, do it. Prove you're enough to stay by my side. Prove that you're not a traitor"

And Tommy couldn't help but lock his eyes with the child who was on the ground with blood on their arms and legs. They were young, maybe around 5 or 6 years old. The fear in their eyes visible to Tommy as clear as a day. And he hated the thought that he was the reason behind those scared eyes.

"I'm sorry.."

Till this day, Tommy found himself washing his arms with tears streaming down his face, hands shaking and legs barely hoisting him up. The water was turning red, the sink stained with blood. And he wasn't sure if the blood was his  because of the harsh scrubbing or the kid's who he murdered with an empty look on his face.