How To Stay Afloat (BxB)

Chapter 119: What's a relationship without the fighting?

I run until my legs give in. Which isn't long after because I suck at cardio and have no stamina at all.

I slow down and catch my breath, walking along a foreign street in a district of the city I've never been in before.

"Fuck." I mumble and lean forward, supporting the weight of my upper body with my hands on my knees.

How fucking embarrassing was that? I poured my whole heart out.

I use the back of my hand to wipe my mouth. I kissed him right after he probably kissed her.

I stand up and look around. Where the hell am I? I pat down my clothes and search for my phone. Fuck. I search for my wallet. Double fuck.

I sigh and try to orient myself on the street signs, which I'm bad at.

It takes me around 50 minutes to find my way to the nearest bus station and back home.

I ring the doorbell and not even a second later the door opens, Caleb standing behind it.

He looks relieved. "Hey, I was worried. Where were you?" He asks.

I was out, getting my heart shattered and trampled on.

"I'm gonna go to my room." I say and stare at the floor while I remove my shoes.

"Are you okay? What happened? Where were you for one and a half hours?" Caleb asks.

"I made a fool of myself by confessing my love to Austin." I say and walk past him up the stairs. "He doesn't have a girlfriend, but fucking the girl he cheated on me with before is almost as bad."

"Fuck. Are you alright?" He asks, following me upstairs.

"Yeah. I'm okay I just wanna be alone, is that okay?" I ask him.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Just- just call me if you need anything. Alright? We can talk ab-" He starts.

I slam the door shut and lock it.

I sit down on my bed and grab my phone. 10 texts, 8 missed calls. All except one from Austin.

I lock my phone and lie down. That was so fucking embarrassing. God. What was I thinking to blurt out all that about loving him? I was way too confident, had my hopes too high.

It's no big deal. Austin is a free man who can fuck whoever he pleases as long as it's consentual. It's alright. We've been broken up for two months. It's okay. No need to freak out.

I grab my phone again and go to google. Double-handedly is not a word. Fuck. That's even more embarrassing now. Why the hell did I say that word?

Why did I say all that in my rage? Austin didn't make a wreck out of me. I did a good job doing it myself. Why did I even say that? Probably because everyone treats me like I could snap and fuck up all my progress over minor inconveniences. Like I haven't changed one bit. It was true for the old Sammy seven weeks ago. But that's not who I am anymore. I learned to control these destructive impulses. To some extent.

Maybe I'm lying to myself. I learned to control myself in front of others. But I know I still got a long road ahead of me.

Because right now I wanna get high so bad. I'm not gonna do that, but I definitely crave it.

I should probably be reasonable and pick up my phone. He's calling again.

I sigh and pick it up, looking at Austin's name on the display.

"Hi." I say as unimpressed as I can.

"Hey! Are you okay? Where are you? Are you alright? Are you okay?" He asks me concerned.