How To Stay Afloat (BxB)

Chapter 153: Frustration

"Sammy." Austin's soft voice wakes me up.

"Hm?" I humm sleepily as I open my eyes. He smiles at me softly.

"Good morning. You had a nightmare." He says.

I rub my eyes and sit up slightly. I don't even remember having a nightmare. "Did I wake you up?"

"No, don't worry. I was just concerned cause you whimpered in your sleep." He explains.

I roll over and grab my phone. It's 9 already. I groan and roll back on my back.

As I look at Austin he looks sad.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "I hate fighting with you."

I let out a sigh. "I'm sorry Austin. I don't know why I was so angry. You know me, always overreacting."

He nods his head. "Yeah, just- I feel bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hitting you back then and I'm sorry for being harsh to you and for getting so angry."

I blink a few times. I'm still too sleepy for all those apologies. "Austin. Hey. I'm sorry I said all that."

He nods his head, fidgeting with his fingers. "I don't wanna be like this. I don't wanna be a violent person. I don't want you to be scared of me. You're the most important person in my life. I don't wanna be responsible for your pain. Please don't be scared of me. I'm sorry."

"I'm not scared of you!" I exclaim. "Of course I'm not scared."

"You said you are." He mumbles.

"I said I'm scared of making you angry." I correct him.

"Same thing." He mutters.

I grab his hands to stop him from fidgeting cause it drives me insane. "Hey. Look at me. It's alright. Let's forget about it."

"We forget about it and then you bring it up again in the next argument because it still upsets you." He points out.

I sigh. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to stop doing that."

"By forgiving me." Austin says quietly. "Please can you forgive me?"

I frown at him. "I already did."

He sighs unsatisfied. "Okay."

"Austin. I'm sorry." I say and sit up a bit more straight. "It's just something I can't really forget."

He nods his head. "I know what you mean."

"We hurt each other a lot." I tell him. "Uhm, past tense, I mean, but I guess it doesn't matter cause we did just yesterday and it seems like we still do all the time. So I guess we hurt each other a lot, in present tense, too."

He nods. "I hate this. I hate being responsible for your pain. And I hate the fact that the word hurt is the same in past and present."

I nod my head. "Yeah. Same. I hate that."

"I love you." Austin says frustratedly.

"I also love you." I answer.

"So why is it that we have so many problems in our relationship?" He asks.

"No idea." I mumble. "It's weird."

"I'm sorry for getting jealous." Austin says with a sigh. "I know it's not like that, but it seems like you care about Adam more than about me."

"What?" I exclaim. "No way. Of course not!" I insist.

"You ran after him, not even bothering to make sure I'm okay. You made me play Noah in front of the hospital staff. Do you think I don't mind?"