How To Stay Afloat (BxB)

Chapter 37: Spilling secrets

As soon as the door of his apartment closes, Austin wraps his arms around me.

I hug him back tightly.

"How are you feeling?" I ask him.

"Like utter shit." He says. "But kinda better than before."

"Before what?" I ask him.

"Before you came over to check up on me." He explains.

"Let's sit down, alright?" I suggest and take off my shoes and then pull Austin into the living room and onto the couch.

"You wanna talk?" I ask him.

"About?" He asks, avoiding eye contact. This kind of feels like a deja vu to when I was here for the first time and we had the same conversation.

"First of all. What was up with you the last two days?" I ask him.

He rolls his eyes. "I told you. I was tired."

"Yeah okay, I get that. But why were you so tired?" I wanna know.

He shrugs. "I don't know. I sometimes feel like that. It kind of feels like I don't even exist."

"What do you mean?" I ask him confused.

"I don't even know. I just feel dissociated or something. This feeling comes out of nowhere, stays for a few days and then leaves again." He says. "I don't know. I just feel like doing nothing and getting out of bed feels like running a marathon."

"That sounds like a serious problem." I state.

He chuckles. "Yeah no. It's alright."

"It's not." I say angrily.

"What am I supposed to do about it?" He snaps at me.

"First of all, you gotta tell me. You said you'd tell me when you feel like shit." I say.

"Okay, but I didn't feel like shit. I felt nothing." He says.

"Okay. Then you gotta tell me whenever you feel like shit or like nothing." I tell him.

He nods. "I feel like shit." He says without missing a beat.

"Okay. Okay. Why?" I ask him.

"Because I let my dad hurt you." He says. "And then I only cared about him although I should have been there for you."

I grab his hands. "You punched your dad unconscious for me." I bring up.

He looks at me with his furrowed brows and guilty looking eyes. "Are you hurt?" He asks me.

I shake my head. "No, all good. I'm fine. Seriously."

He looks at me like people look at a toddler that just dropped their ice cream.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm fine." I say, giggling.

"But you have a bruise." He says, touching my right cheek softly.

"It will heal." I say, smiling. "What about you? Is your hand okay?" I ask him.

He looks at his hand. It looks normal. The knuckle of his middle finger is a little red, but that's about it.

"I had no idea it hurts to punch someone in the face." He says, shaking his left hand. "The last time I punched someone it didn't hurt. And back then I definitely hit more than once."

I chuckle. "Yeah, getting hit in the face hurts a lot more." I say. Although I have no idea, I've never really been hit in the face with a fist.

"It sure as hell does." Austin says matter-of-factly.