How To Stay Afloat (BxB)

Chapter 160: You can't bury the past

"Hey, Sammy?" Austin says and stops the movie we've been watching.

His voice sounds kinda serious, so I sit up so we can look at each other while talking.

"What is it?" I ask him.

He takes a deep breath before talking. "Can we talk about Adam?"

I instantly feel panic spread through my whole body.

He knows. He knows about my confused feelings.

"What about him?" I ask Austin, trying to sound calm.

"I don't wanna start a fight and I'm not accusing you of anything, I just wanna tell you how it feels like to me." He says calmly.

I nod my head. "If this is about friday night-"

"It's not just that." Austin says. "Can- can I just say something and you listen?"

"Yeah, but-" I say, but he interrupts me.

"Please?" He asks.

I bite my lip and nod my head.

"Lately you stare at him a lot. I mean- yeah, it's- I know that that doesn't have to mean anything, but you- I can't even explain it. It feels like you're longing for him and I don't know how to feel about it and everytime-" He says, but I can't keep quiet and cut him off.

"Okay, but that's just because we're friends and a lot happened and I also look at Harry and Carla." I blurt out.

Austin exhales loudly and closes his eyes. "As I was saying- everytime I try to bring it up you just get extremely defensive or just dismissive."

I don't really know what to say and just look at him with a frown. What am I supposed to say? Deny it?

"You find him attractive? Okay. I get it. You like him more than a friend? Okay, let's talk about it." He says calmly.

I shake my head. "I don't."

"Sammy. I'm giving you a chance to be honest. Why are you denying it?" He asks me. "Can we please just have an open conversation?"

That makes me kinda angry. "You said you don't wanna accuse me of stuff and then go ahead and do exactly that." I exclaim.

"Sammy, this denial makes us both feel miserable." He claims.

"Or maybe you're making all this up. Maybe you're projecting your own feelings on me. Did you suddenly fall in love with Adam? Was sleeping in a bed together all it took?" I ask.

He grabs my wrists and looks into my eyes. "Sammy. Do I look angry to you?" He asks.

I frown and shake my head.

"Then can you please just stay calm?" He asks. "You don't need to get defensive because this conversation is not an attack."

"How am I supposed to react? Do you want me to happy about you accusing me of this?" I ask.

"No, but you could start by being honest." He says.

He's gonna break up with me. Or he's gonna get angry and hit me.

"I am honest!" I say. "Adam is a friend. It's not my fault you are insecure and can't get over the fact that we briefly dated. I thought you two are getting along now. Why are you accusing me of this shit now?"

"I just wanna know where I stand. That's all I wanna know." He says.

"What do you mean? I love you!" I say.

He nods his head and smiles. "I love you too."

"Cool." I say and unpause the film on Austin's laptop.