How To Stay Afloat (BxB)

Chapter 138: friends for life

"Now it's working. Hello Samuel!" Alan greets me after we had trouble with the audio.

"Hey! Glad it's working now." I say awkwardly.

This is weird. Talking over a stupid screen.

"Yes. So, how is it being back at home?" He wants to know.

I shrug. "I was only gone for a couple of days. It's not new."

He nods. "Yes, okay, but a lot happened during those couple of days." He points out.

"I generally feel good." I tell him. "But my mom's really paranoid and makes me keep all doors open when I'm alone." I say and move the camera so he can see my opened door.

He laughs. "I'd do the same thing if my child was suicidal."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, but I'm feeling better now."

He nods. "That's great to hear. But do your eyes always look so red or did you cry like half an hour ago?" He asks.

I thought the bad camera quality would hide that fact.

"I had a conversation with my friend and it got emotional." I explain.

"Alright. You can tell me about it if you want." He suggests.

"Uhm, it wasn't about me. It was more about him. So it's not that important right now, I guess." I explain.

"Well, okay, then let's just jump straight in." He suggests. "How do you feel today?"

"Good." I answer simply.

"Does your mood today feel stable?" He asks.

"Uhm, I have no idea, but yeah, I guess?" I answer.

"That's good. Did you think about dying today?" He asks.

"Straight to the point." I mumble.

"Well, I have to make sure you're alright and won't kill yourself." He explains with a shrug. "You know, each time a patient kills himself I look like a bad therapist."

I raise my eyebrows. "Does that happen so frequently?" I wanna know.

He shakes his head. "Only once, and the person wasn't my patient anymore at the time. So? Are you planning to kill yourself?"

"Well, my parents hid all the knives and scissors around the house. Killing myself at home is almost impossible." I answer.

"Believe me, there are countless ways to do that." He says.

I blink a few times. "Got examples?"

He chuckles. "So? Did you think about that today?"

"No, I didn't think about dying today. At least not about my own death." I answer.

"Did you think about someone else?" He asks.

I nod my head. "Yeah. Two people who died in the past year."

"You can tell me about them if you like." He suggests.

I sigh. "Well, the first one is Noah. I feel guilty for his death."

"But you said he died in an accident." He points out.

"Yeah, I don't know. I'm pretty sure he died because I pressed charges against him." I explain, trying not to say anything wrong.

"Are you sure you're not just blaming yourself for something that isn't your fault at all?" He asks.

"Yeah, well, I ruined his life. Whether he's dead or not. If I had never gone to the police, all that would have never happened." I tell him.