How To Stay Afloat (BxB)

Chapter 154: Say no to drugs

Did I say today I did the right thing? It's been an hour since I lied down on my bed and I honestly feel frustrated because I was lying to myself when I felt like today is the day I stay clean.

I need something. Anything. Just a tiny something and then I'll continue my rehab successfully. Tomorrow I'll stay clean again. Today I just need it.

"Hi!" I say to Louis as he picks up his phone.

"No!" He says instantly.

"No what?" I ask confused.

"No drugs for you." He answers.

"I- I wasn't- I didn't-" I argue, but he cuts me off.

"Sure. You just wanted to ask how the weather is here?" He asks.

I let out a sigh. "Louis. How are you? I haven't heard from you in a while."

"Hm. I'll pretend you really just called to chat." He says. "I'm doing okay. How are you?"

"Uh. Good. I'm doing good." I answer.

"Sure? Cause I remember you trying to kill yourself a month ago and I'm sure you didn't magically become a happy person again." He says.

I let out a sigh. "Yes. Yes, I know. I worked on it with my therapist." I say. "All good now."

"Okay. Why are you calling then?" He asks.

"Are you taking a lot of drugs?" I ask him.

"Uhm, what? What kind of question is that? You know I definitely do." He answers.

"Yeah, but, like, I don't know. How do you feel when you try not to?" I ask him.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"How can you not give in when you crave it? I mean, you have all those drugs around you. How do you manage not to be completely high constantly?" I wanna know.

I hear him snort. "I pretty much am." He answers.

Should I be concerned? He finds it pretty funny.

"Sorry. Sorry. Not what you wanted to hear." He mumbles. "Well, I- I just get high when I feel like it. My lifestyle allows that, you know? But I mean- I've been smoking crack all my life. I cannot stop just like that. I don't wanna feel like a depressed shit all the time. Just stopping like that doesn't work."

"Okay." I answer.

"Sorry. If you're searching for someone to help you stay clean, you're clearly wrong. I won't sell you anything cause the last time you nearly died and I don't wanna be responsible for that, alright?" He tells me.

"So you won't sell me anything and you won't help me not crave it either?" I ask him.

"Sammy. What did you expect when you called? What do you want?" He asks.

He's clearly annoyed. "Yeah- sorry- I- it was a stupid idea. Sorry. Sorry for annoying you." I say. "Bye."

"No, wait. I'm not annoyed. I just don't know what you want from me." He says.

"I also don't know." I admit. "I just wanted to talk to someone, I guess."

"Okay. Okay. What's going on in your life? Anything interesting happen?" He asks.

"Yeah, well, yeah, a lot happened. The Noah situation turned a bit to the worse." I say.

"Ugh. The guy you killed. Right?" He asks.

"Well, the guy who wasn't dead, but is now dead for real." I answer.

I can hear him exhale. "He wasn't dead and you killers killed him again?" He asks.