How To Stay Afloat (BxB)

Chapter 148: All my friends are queer

I had two drinks more than I had planned and go pee inside.

Yep. Upon standing up I realize that the alcohol is working and I'm definitely a lightweight now.

After doing the deed I decide to go to Kev's room where the others smoked a joint before.

I spot a joint lying on the table, ready to be smoked. Oh how I wanna light it. Oh how I wanna get high.

Being drunk isn't bad either. I guess I can have a great time without weed. It's actually a lot of fun with the others. But I still feel so out of place.

I stand in front of Kev's poster wall, looking at all the old photos, chuckling at one with Jared, Dan, Kevin and I in it. We were hiking and it's clear who's the experienced hikers in the picture. Kev and Jared, both smiling wide while my face is red like a tomato from the exhaustion and Dan looks like he's not able to stand anymore.

I was so happy on that day.

Ironically the picture was taken close to where I parked the car to kill myself. How could I ruin this perfect memory with my suicide attempt?

"Hey. There you are." Dan says as he also comes in. "Not getting weak?"

I turn around and see him already sitting down on Kev's bed with the joint in hand. I remember when he didn't smoke weed. I wonder since when he smokes.

"Nope." I say and sit down next to him on the bed.

"You changed quite a lot." He comments.

I point to the joint between his lips. "As did you."

He shrugs. "Yeah, well, I'm eighteen now."

As if that made it legal.

"What's up with all the bruises?" He asks me as he lights the joint and takes a drag.

I wanna smoke. Maybe I can smoke just a tiny little bit and be clean by the time I get tested.

"Uhm. I told you I got into a fight." I say.

"Yeah. But you got bruises on your stomach, too." He points out.

"I also said I lost the fight." I answer.

"And that?" He asks and touches my shoulder. I'm having the stitches taken out on sunday because they didn't have the stitches that dissolve on their own. I have a gauze over it and it's visible on my collar.

I sigh. "I really don't wanna talk about all that."

He frowns. "You're really jumpy and nervous all the time like you're scared you could upset someone. What's up with you? Why do you have so many injuries? Where the fuck did you end up at that you changed so much?"

I drag my hands down my face. "Look. I appreciate your concern. But Kev's birthday party is the wrong place to explain all that."

"Kevin told me that there's a lot going on in your life. That you had a lot of problems with some guy and that you went to the police because of him." He says.

"Uhm." I mutter.

"He also told me that you feel guilty for his death." He says.

I raise my eyebrows. "He told you all that?"

Dan nods. "Yeah, well, he was pretty down and told me. You shouldn't feel bad for that. It sounds like he treated you badly. And so what if people think you killed him."

"He told you that?" I ask again.

"Yeah, well, I kinda interrogated him." He admits. "He also told me you cut his hand, but that it was an accident."