How To Stay Afloat (BxB)

Chapter 130: childhood friends never say goodbye

I should be dead.

That's my first thought when I wake up. Did I dream all that? Where am I?

When I open my eyes I find myself in a hospital, in the IC unit.

I've woken up way too many times in a hospital. What happened this time?

Okay, I woke up in the hospital only twice, I think. But that is a lot!

I look around and see my mom sitting next to me, looking at me, saying something.

Fuck. Now I remember. I look at my arm. Yep. Track marks. I overdosed. I tried to kill myself and miraculously didn't die. Fuck.

There's a second person, a nurse. She's also talking to me.

Did I go deaf? No, I can hear them, but I can't understand it.

I close my eyes again, feeling extremely sleepy.

_____

"Hey Sammy." I can hear my mom's soft voice.

I open my eyes and look at her.

"Hey baby. How do you feel?" She asks me.

Everything hurts.

"Not so good." I say to her.

"Are you in pain?" The nurse asks me.

I nod my head. My chest and stomach hurt incredibly.

"How- how am I still alive?" I ask confused. "I thought I'd die."

"You nearly died, the dose would have been fatal, but you were found and treated right on time." The nurse tells me.

I stare at the ceiling. Fuck. What happens now? I have to go away again and I won't be able to finish school this year. I can't do anything right. Not even killing myself.

"Mom. Is everyone else okay?" I ask her carefully.

"Yes, sweety. Caleb and your dad are also here." She says.

I nod my head.

My mom is holding my hand, gently stroking her thumb over my my skin.

"How bad was it?" I ask hesitantly.

She's visibly holding back tears, unable to answer.

I close my eyes. Fuck. I just keep hurting everyone. Why can't it all just stop.

"But am I alright? Can I go home?" I ask.

"Not today." The nurse tells me. "You need to stay here until tomorrow, maybe a day longer depending on how well you recover. You could still have seizures."

"Here in the hospital or here in this room?" I ask.

"In this unit here." She tells me. "You're still recovering and still need treatment."

I take a deep breath and blow the air out through my mouth. All these poor overworked healthcare workers have to spend time on me because I was too stupid to kill myself. Why was I saved? "Can I know what happened? Because I thought that no one would be able to find me up there."

"The picture you sent Austin helped us find you." Mom explains.

I roll my eyes. I could have thought about that. Everyone from home can identify those mountains with one glance.

"Luckily the first responders could give you naloxone right away." The nurse explains. "At the hospital you got IV fluids to flush the drugs out of your system." She tells me. "You also got activated charcoal and we gave you medication to stabilize your heart, reduce blood pressure and medication for your reduced kidney function. Since you weren't breathing properly we also needed to support your breathing."