BakuDeku One Shots (Sometimes 3somes, Dekubowl)

I'll Be More Than Just Ok

Past BkDk. Angst. 

Izuku sat in his empty kitchen, the only sound is the drip drip of the faucet that he hadn't pushed down hard enough. His body feels cold and numb, his chest tight, his breath coming out in shallow huffs.

Kacchan left him. After 11 years together, he left him, and not because things had gotten bad between them, but because he had fallen in love with someone else. To make it even worse, he had left him for Kirishima, Katsuki's so called best friend.

Izuku played their conversation over and over in his head. He couldn't believe that Kacchan had gotten so mad at him for crying, for asking so many questions. He felt that after everything they had been through, that he deserved to have every and all questions answered. Hell, he deserved to kick katsuki's ass. 11 fucking years gone!

Izuku sat at the kitchen table with a half-eaten dinner, the last meal he would ever share with his now ex, the potatoes just as cold as the tips of his fingers. He knows he's in shock, the temperature is always set at 68 degrees, so the apartment isn't cold. It's just him. He's cold inside. He wonders if he will ever feel warm again.

Like a robot, he gets up and scrapes his plate into the sink, turning on the garbage disposal, the sound of the food being torn apart reminds him of how his own heart and mind are being shredded too. Izuku turns the tap towards hot, waiting until the steam fills the basin. He takes his time washing the few dishes, the water warming his hands until they are red and wrinkled.

Looking at the clock, Izuku knows he should go to sleep, he has patrol early in the morning, but he just can't make himself go to their, no, his bedroom. He doesn't want to get in-between those cold covers knowing that one side will be cold from now on. That comforting presence no longer there.

He wonders if they are making love right now. Are they celebrating finally being together? Celebrating not having to sneak around anymore? The very thought makes him reach for a bottle of wine, and for the first time in years, he drinks. He doesn't even like the taste of wine, but he just wants to forget. He wants the alcohol to numb his pain so he can sleep. So he drinks two glasses, the alcohol going straight to his head.

He manages to stumble his drunk ass to his bedroom, throw his clothes on the floor and climb under the covers. "Good night, Kacchan" he giggles, but his mind clears enough to remember what happened. He grabs his pillow, sinking his face into it and sobs. Loud, soul shattering sobs, so loud that even the pillow cannot contain them. His body feels frozen again. He hiccups into the cotton fabric that is damp from his tears. His body now worn out from his emotions, he drifts off into restless sleep.

The next morning, Izuku gets ready for work with a light hangover. Not too bad, but enough to remind him why he drank to begin with. He can't help crying all over again as he looks at Kacchan's side of the closet, only hangers had been left behind. Katsuki had taken the day off so he and kiri could pack up his things while Izuku was at work. The blonde had said that it might be too awkward doing it while Izuku was at home. "Yeah ok" Izuku thought "You're just a fucking coward who didn't want to have to face me again".

He doesn't want to go into work. Nobody would blame him if he called in sick, but that wouldn't change how he feels. It might make it worse. Being alone in the apartment that had been their home for 11 years with all the happy memories they had made and the ones he hoped were yet to come. No, he needed to be at work, to distract himself from the pain if only for a few hours.

His friends knew. Everybody did. Thankfully he had his group of friends that are apart from Katsuki. He had stayed in touch with Iida, Ochako, Shoto, Hitoshi, Tsu, Shoji and Rody Soul. He had a nice group of friends that he is even more grateful for today. After work they gather together and just hold him, surround him with their warmth. They don't bad mouth Kacchan, or tell him it's going to be ok, they just hold him. They hold him and let him cry, their arms squeezing him tighter whenever he begins to sob again. Izuku stays over at Ochako's place that night. He can't bear to go home tonight. Tomorrow he will. He has to get used to living alone.

The first time he goes to the grocery story, he ends up breaking down in the cereal aisle. He was reaching for Kacchan's favorite, when he remembered. Walking down every aisle brought more and more pain. Things he wouldn't have to buy anymore, things that he didn't want to buy anymore because the two of them had loved eating them together. He ended up leaving the basket half full and walking fast out of the market. Izuku is relieved you can have groceries delivered now. He would be doing that for a while, but knows he has to get used to getting groceries alone.

At night as he stares up at the ceiling, Izuku wonders what went wrong. What does Kiri have that he doesn't? Why does Kacchan think he's better? Why did it seem so easy for Kacchan to leave him? Why had Kacchan not even sent him one text to see how he's doing? Does he really not give a single fuck anymore? Is Izuku just trash he placed on the corner for the dump truck to haul away? He knows these thoughts aren't helpful. He's going to have to get used to sleeping alone.

It takes a while, but Izuku is doing a bit better. Not great, or even good, but better. He can even pass Kacchan and Kiri on the street and not have a panic attack, just nods and walks on. Sure it hurts, but the pain is subsiding.

His home is looking more and more like his own. Izuku gets rid of everything that was theirs, replacing them with things that he loves. It's amazing what a fresh coat of paint and a renovation can do. His apartment hardly even looks like the one he shared with Kacchan. Izuku invites his friends over to see the changes, they all oooh and aww over the changes, praising him for his unique taste, which is a nice way of saying it's tacky. He knows it is, but it's him, and since he has to live here, he's going to make it someplace he loves.

Then one day he bumps into Katsuki, the blonde is alone running some errands. Izuku doesn't go out of his way to avoid Katsuki, but he isn't going to approach him either. Their eyes make contact for a second, Izuku lowers his immediately, his legs leading him into a coffee house. He doesn't even like coffee, but he finds himself ordering a mocha with whipped cream.

Sitting down near the window, he pulls out his phone to distract himself from the stinging pain in his chest. His eyes fly open as Kacchan sits down opposite him. Izuku's defenses rush forward to protect his heart. Those usually bright eyes diming at how good Katsuki looks, while he knows he's lost weight.

"How are you?" Katsuki asks, his eyes looking him over with concern.

That look of pity pisses Izuku off. "Don't act like you care, Bakugo".

"I do care, Zuku".

"Don't call me that" he spat, his eyes flashing with anger. "It's been months since you left me. Months, Bakugo, and you want me to believe you give a fuck about me?! You are unbelievable". Izuku pushes back his chair, dumping the coffee in the trash and walking out the door. He doesn't even look back when he hears Katsuki calling his name.

He makes his way back home, his head aching with suppressed feelings. Once Izuku is inside he knows he can let the tears fall, but they don't. He's shocked. Can this mean he's actually moving on? That he's healed more than he thought? The realization brings a small smile to his face. "Yeah, someday soon, I'll be more than just ok".

(About a year goes by when Rody confesses to having feelings for Izuku. They begin dating and fall in love. Izuku moves into Rody's apartment a couple months later. Katsuki and Kiri asked for his forgiveness and he gives it to them, but they are never friends again, and Izuku is ok with that. He has his career, great friends and a wonderful new love)