Paranoid - PhanFiction

Chapter #9

(A/N: Woo, Two chapters in one night! I literally just wrote this while listening to Cellar Door by ETF. Soooo, theres maybe a reference and that so yeah).

*DANS POV*

It's been two weeks and my night terrors are getting worse, I've been getting these weird psycho thoughts and I'm worried.

I'm too much of a coward to admit to anyone that I have these thoughts though because I don't want to scare anyone away. Especially Phil, and I cannot take the chances of loosing him.

I sit in my room, headphones in, reading Miss Peregrines Home For Peculiar Children on my bed.

(A/N: Yeah, he's reading and listening to music at the same time, dEViL !!1!! But I can do that too soooo...)

The music changes to Cellar Door by Escape The Fate. I knew it wasn't a good idea to listen to it when I'm so messed up, but I listen anyway. Can you blame me? It's such a good song.

I get distracted and put my book down and start to sing to the words.

"If I could take you somewhere, I'd take you to the darkest place." Dark. Darkness.

I zone out and my brain floods with gory images and darkness. I try to snap out of it but I can't and I feel numb.

Next thing I know I'm sitting in front of the toilet, puking my insides out at 5am.

After I'm done I hug my stomach, legs to my chest and lean against the tub. And that's when I realize, I haven't eaten in 3 days and I'm so skinny.

I shake at the cold breeze that flows through the vent above me and I feel weak.

I struggle to stand and it's almost as if I'm tipsy. Like I had just about too much alcohol. I look at my reflection and my face is pale and my veins go dry. That isn't me. That's not who I am!

I stumbled into the hallway and almost reach my room when I trip over my feet, falling and hitting the floor with a loud boom.

All I see is black then light then blue orbs, like a waterfall. Once I regain some consciousness again, I see white and I realize I'm in a hospital bed.

I jump up and look around, I see Phil sobbing and holding my hand. "Why am I here?" I ask blankly. "You hit your head, I'm so glad you're okay!" He whispers and hugs me close to his chest. "W-what?" I ask. "I guess you got dizzy from the lack of sleep and food that you went unconscious." He sighs and pulls away. "How did you know I haven't been eating...?" I asked, slow with confusion in my voice. "They weighed you." He sighs.

"Oh my god." I mumble. "I didn't even realize I wasn't eating until I was in the bathroom vomiting my lungs out." I gesture for Phil to come close and he does, wrapping his arms around me. "Dan... You're, you're so skinny." He chokes. "I'm sorry." I start to cry.

We both become a crying mess and it's all my fault.

If I would've never went to this stupid college, I wouldn't have ruined Phil's happiness.

I MESS UP EVERYTHING.

-

The doctors did many check ups and gave me some meds, then released me from the hospital. They told Phil to make sure I'm eating at particular times and stuff like that.

I distance myself from Phil for the next few days, I just feel like he's better off without me and I don't want to ruin his happiness- well as much as I already have.

I don't think he really notices and it kinda hurts but I'll get over it and stay in my room for as long as I can.

I spend my days, getting ready for school before Phil even wakes up and I run to the balcony close by, listen to music, go to class when it's time, run home before Phil can get to me and hide in my room and listen to music while I get homework done.

I actually haven't seen Phil for three days.
I've locked myself in my room. I haven't really eaten too much either, I've eaten one bowl of cereal every morning and had a glass of milk and I sneak out of my room when Phil isn't looking to grab a snack.

I'm sure he knows that I'm eating because I usually take his snacks. Oops?

My night terrors and panic attacks are still really bad but I've just learned to deal with it. I have no money to get a therapist and I couldn't handle a job if my life depended on it. So I guess I have no luck.