Paranoid - PhanFiction

Chapter #60

(A/N: Jesus this is a long book, I apologize).

*DANS POV*

I lied in bed, slowly opened my eyes to be blinded by the sunlight shining through the window. I wiped my eyes, trying to wipe the sleep from them and sat up and rested my back on the soft, leather headboard of the bed. I brought my knees to my chest and sighed.

Phil was nowhere in sight at the moment but I was too tired to care, really. I wiped my eyes once more and stood up, walking out of the room and into the kitchen.

"Phil?" I shouted. "Phil?"

"Where are you?" I shouted again.

No answer at all.

He must be out somewhere...

I made my way to the fridge and grabbed some Sunny D.

I laughed at the name Sunny D.

I'm so immature.

I shook my head, chuckling to myself as I searched for a glass. I found one and poured some juice in and placed the jug back in the fridge.

I sat down at the counter and drank my juice. I started mumbling a tune but I didn't realize after about 5 minutes it was a song I used to listen to with a friend.

I couldn't remember any words but I new the tune as if I was listening to it right then.

Then some lyrics popped into my head.

"Lifted off the ground.." I mumbled.

I smiled and jumped up.

"1985 was a good year!" I shouted.

I remembered the words!

I searched for something to look up the song and finally found a laptop. I didn't really care who the laptop belonged to at the moment and searched up, "1985 lyrics."

The music started playing and I grinned. When the words came I started off a bit rusty but then it all came back.

I remembered the most fun I had listening to this song. I was hoping around with someone and we were screaming the words and laughing, dancing and having a great time.

It was with someone I knew I was in love with but I couldn't put my finger on it just when Phil walked in the apartment.

And that's when it hit me.

It was Phil. It was Phil who I was dancing with and fell in love with.

It was all too much for me to handle and I broke down. I was so confused, I know I'm not gay. Am I? Do my parents except it?

It was so much on my mind at that moment and when Phil noticed, he dropped the bags that used to be in his hands and he pulled me into a hug. "What happened?" He asked, with his soft voice. "I'm so confused." I cried in between sobs. "What do you mean? About what?" He asked as he rubbed circles on my back.

"I think I remember stuff but I-I don't know!" I cried. "What do you think you remember?" He asked as he backed up a bit to see my face but still had his hands on my shoulders. "Like, you see, I remember this song," I said as I pointed to the laptop, "I remembered the words and then I remembered me and someone dancing together and I fell in love with them the first time I saw them." I explained.

Phil's face was pale. Like snow. "O-oh." He choked. "So like, what did that person look like?" He asked as he held back tears. "He had black hair... Blue eyes, and he was really beautiful.." He started to smile as I explained. He nodded as I spoke.

"And I think it was you."

He leaped into my arms and cried into the crook of my neck. "I love you." He sobbed. "W-wha-"

"Oh, um, I'm sorry." He blushed hard and it looked like he was gonna explode. "I'm sorry." He said again and ran out the door.

I know we knew each other but he's got to give me time to get used to it again.

I guess he knows that now.

-

*PHILS POV*

I ran out of the apartment out of pure embarrassment and I felt so bad because I know he needs time but I couldn't hold the three words back anymore and they just fell out of my mouth.

I love him so much but I know he can't love me anymore, he hardly remembers me.

I ran down the streets of London. It was dusk but I didn't care. I ran and ran until I reached a big tree and I put my back to it, slid down and sat. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

Tears slowly fell but would get dried up by the wind that hit my pale face. I sighed shakily and shivered.

"I love you so much Dan." I cried into my knees. "I love you so much." I whispered over and over.

I wanted him to remember me clearly.

This isn't fair. This isn't fair for me, this isn't fair for Dan. This isn't fair for his family, this just isn't fair.

I stood up and looked around. So many people walked the streets so I made my way through the crowds and finally after what seemed like hours I reached a park, an empty park. I walked over to a swing and sat down.

I was so angry with the world. And I was so ready for it all to end but a part of me knew that wasn't right.

It felt like everything was against me. Against my happiness. I just wanted to be happy, that's all I've ever wanted.

I stood up and pushed the swing up high into the air and moved out of the way. I did the same to the other one and fell to the ground out of anger.

I screamed as anger boiled in my veins. I rolled around on the sand that surrounded the park. I was having a full on tantrum but I didn't care. I didn't care what people had to say, they didn't know what was going on in my life. They had no idea!

After my fit, I lied on the sand.

"Nothing is fair."