Paranoid - PhanFiction

Paranoid Sequel: Chapter Five

TW; mentions of past abusive relationships

Days, more days, days turned into weeks without any words said to one another from the lips of Dan, nor Phil.

Phil was staying with his friend Wilbert, as said in his note, he was happy there.

It was in the country, lots of peaceful lands. It wasn't anything Phil was used to but it was something he wouldn't mind being around often.

No word from Dan yet.

Phil does admit that this, not talking, or being in the presence of Dan is very... unnerving. But Phil won't let this ruin him, it may feel weird, and odd to him right now but he knows he's capable and manageable without Dan.

-

It was Sunday morning. Phil was cooped up inside on a warm chair, covered up by two blankets. Wilbert must've placed another blanket on him as he fell asleep with only one.

Phil opened his eyes slowly, he looked around the room. He found himself in the living room. He fell asleep watching television last night. Phil's eyes went to the bowl of cereal he had around 3 AM, it still had milk in it.

He pulled his heavy covers off his body and picked up his bowl, walking to the kitchen and put his bowl in the sink. He stretched as Wilbert came walking in.

"Good morning." Wilbert said, taking a look at the clock. It read 9:33 AM.

"Hey.." Phil said groggily, his muscles relax and he rubs his left eye to rub the tired from it.

"How'd you sleep last night, and how're you doing?" Wilbert asked while taking a seat at the kitchen table.

Phil shrugged. "I guess I slept okay. I have a kink in my neck, though."

"Oh, want me to rub it?" Wilbert asked, starting to get up but Phil declined the offer.

"No thank you, Dan does that for-" He stopped himself. He shakes his head, "I'm...sorry." He says and starts to walk away into the guest bedroom he'd been staying in.

Wilbert frowned as Phil walked away. It felt horrible to see his friend like this.

Phil walked into his temporary room, falling into bed so that his face was face down into the pillow. He started to cry. He was missing Dan. He felt like he was losing and he just wanted to be in control of his emotions but it seemed impossible, no matter how hard he tried, and no matter how many times he told himself 'I've got this'."

There was a knock at the door, Phil shook his head.

He sniffs, "Hello?"

"Phil, its Bertie. Can I come in, please?"

Bertie is Wilbert's boyfriend of 5 years. They rarely see one another due to Bertie living in Wisconsin, both him and Wilbert's hometown, and the lack of money.

"Sure." Phil mutters.

Phil is still face down in the pillow, feeling weak and embarrassed that he's crying for what he thinks, is a stupid reason.

"I know what you're going through, Phil." Bertie says once he has taken a seat on the end of the bed, one leg holding him on and the other dangling off. His hands are placed in his lap, he moves his fingers for no particular reason.

"How?" Phil asks, it being hard for him to speak without bursting out into tears.

"I've been in similar situations before." Bertie breathed.

"Like how?" Phil asks, wiping tears from his cheeks but still, not showing his face.

"I don't feel comfortable getting into too much detail but, I've been in two abusive relationships," Bertie said, rubbing his arm with his left, "One being mental and physical abuse, and the other being emotional abuse."

Phil felt bad now, he can't believe he made Bertie confess this.

"Bertie. I'm-I'm so sorry. I didn't know." Phil said after he looked up from the now wet, tear stained pillow. His face was red, his eyes were still wet and teary eyed.

"Don't stress, man. I know you wanna go back to Dan, I know you miss him and all you wanna do is be in his presence." Bertie nodded his head understandingly, "I know he was there for you sometimes, when you needed it but he also caused a majority of those problems, did he not?"

Phil's lip was quivering. He nodded... He never looked at it that way. It was nice to know somebody understood.

"What's going through your mind right now, Phil?" Bertie asks.

Phil takes a deep breath and then lets it out.

"It feels good to have somebody I guess, know what it's like." He said, looking at Bertie. "And I mean it's nice to have somebody put it in words." He explained, nodding.

"I'm glad Phil. I do want to add though, its okay to feel like you miss him, it's okay to want to feel his touch, see him and all that, don't beat yourself up about it because it's a hard thing to process."

"Thank you, a lot Bert." Phil says, holding back a cry.

"I feel like he was there in a point of your life when you needed  somebody but, you soon grew out of that and you stayed too long, cared too long maybe?" Bertie says, wondering if that's a possibility.

"I don't know, I have to just think." Phil says.

"Okay. You're gonna figure it out buddy." Bertie nods, a pitiful smile on his face.

"Thank you again, you made me feel a bit better. I am thankful of you but, may I just be alone for now?" Phil asks. His nostrils flair in trying not to cry.

"Oh, yes!" Bertie says as he gets up from bed. He gives Phil a hug and leaves him alone with his thoughts.

-

When Bertie leaves Phil's room, he finds Wilbert in the living room.

"How is he?" Wilbert asks, a worried frown upon his pink lips.

"Honestly, I don't know." Bertie shrugs, he bites his bottom lip in defeat.

"I don't want him to hurt anymore." Wilbert says, "He's been through enough." He starts to tear up but quickly wipes away his tears.

"Wilbert, he's gonna figure this out but it's only been a few weeks." He says, placing his hands onto Wilbert's shoulders and pulls him into a hug. He's slightly taller than him so Wil's head rests on Bertie's chest.

-

It's 2 PM now. Phil hasn't left his room yet. Wilbert and Bertie are worried, but they occasionally check on him.

Phil turns on some music from his phone, Objects In Space by La Dispute starts to play in the background as he lies in bed, staring at a photo of Dan and himself. It's a photo of them from the first day they met, they were so happy there, in that moment.

He brought this photo with him, he knew it probably wasn't the best choice but Phil was sentimental when it came to little things like that. He liked to have pictures from happy times, he liked to save things.

Phil knew he'd miss Dan, but he thought he was over him. He thought he didn't care about Dan cheating, he thought he was sick of taking care of Dan 24/7, but now that he's somewhere new,  he realizes that was all he knew and thinks he misses it.

He thought he was going to be okay.