You drew stars around my scars

Chapter 14

"You need to take your medicine please" Taylor reached out her hand – a few pills balanced in her palm as she uncurled her fingers – the younger girl groaned and dropped her head down into her arms, avoiding the topic. Taylor closed her eyes, composing herself "I know you don't like them, but they're going to help you". The teen still had her head in her arms so her mumbling was nearly unintelligible "they taste weird and they make me feel gross" Taylor sat down beside her, attempting to move her arms out the way "Once your body is used to them, those side effects will go away. They're not always going to make you feel so rubbish. As for the taste? I can't do anything about that I'm afraid – just put it in and swallow it quickly" Taylor pushed the pills forwards again and smiled softly as the young girl reached for them and swallowed them down 'great job buddy". The young girl grimaced as the taste hit her then put her head onto Taylor's shoulder.

Jessica was sat reading on the sofa when Taylor walked in to join her, she was carrying a granola bar and the teen eyed it anxiously as Taylor sat down next to her, the blonde noticed her concerned expression "don't panic – this is just a snack for me. No nasty surprises today"

The teen relaxed again, Taylor played with her hair absentmindedly "what do you wanna do this afternoon?". Jessica shrugged nonchalantly "I dunno, I don't care. What do you wanna do?" Taylor thought for a minute "wanna come and do some baking with me?" The teen's eyes lit up slightly as she "I really want to try this recipe for these sugar free cookies, I saw it on tiktok, theyre pink!" Taylor agreed as long as Jessica would at least try one of the cookies.

Taylor wasn't too happy about the sugar free but she knew it was better than nothing – the therapist had said getting Jessica's exposure to food up would also reduce some of the anxiety she felt around food prep – they believed by her seeing the ingredients weighed out it would make her realise that the quantities in her meals were normal – Taylor aimed to introduce her to cooking and baking slowly again.

The pair of them went into the kitchen and began weighing out the ingredients – Jessica taking the lead and Taylor following the instructions quickly.

Before long the batter had been made and it was time to scoop it onto a try ready to go in the oven. The girl took a large spoonful of mixture and attempted to drop it onto the tray but it stuck to the spoon slightly. She reached out with her finger to flick it off then stopped abruptly, she looked around for another spoon but there were none in reach. Taylor watched her curiously "You can just use your finger, they're only for us". The teen looked back at the spoon anxiously then shook her head quickly, a look of fear evident on her face. Taylor couldn't figure it out so she walked over, grabbing the girls hand gently and tried to get her to touch the cookie batter. Jessica recoiled as though she had been burnt as her finger touched it slightly. She looked down at the dab of cookie batter and lurched to rub it off, Taylor grabbed her and held her tightly "what is going on? You can touch it!" The concern was evident on her face as the teen pulled away and washed her hands quickly.
Taylor stood between the girl and the counter "what was that about?!" Jessica bit her lip and mumbled "I just didn't want to calories"
Taylor frowned, confusion evident on her face "you didn't eat it? It was just on your finger.." the teen's voice rose in frustration "I know! But it could have gone through my skin, I could have absorbed it!". Taylor's eyes widened "you know that's impossible. That's not how it works!" The teen just shrugged slightly and moved to get past Taylor. The blonde wasn't having it though. She stepped in front of her again and pulled her over to the bowl with the batter in "Touch it!" Jessica shook her head stubbornly, Taylor reached over and pulled the bowl closer "Jessica, calories cannot be absorbed through your skin, I know you know that. Touch it!" Jessica once again refused so Taylor quickly scooped some batter onto her finger and in one swoop wiped it onto Jessica's hand. The teen screeched as though she was in physical pain as she saw it hit her skin, she quickly washed it off and rushed upstairs the betrayal she was feeling was clear as she ran away from Taylor.

The blonde dropped her head into her hands and let the situation sink in. Every time she thought they were making progress they seemed to take 10 steps back. She finished off scooping the cookies onto the tray then set them in the oven. Whilst they were baking she called her mum and told her all about what had just happened. Andrea listened and soothed Taylor's fears but she reiterated that the girl was terrified and forcing her into situations like that wouldn't help to build trust. Taylor knew she was right and the guilt crept in, she thanked her mum and hung up. She took the cookies out the oven and let them cool slightly before taking a couple on a plate upstairs to the teen. She paused outside the room and heard the girl breathing heavily. She knew in her gut something was wrong so instead of knocking she thew the door open and surveyed the scene.

The teen was red and sweaty, exercising on the floor of her room. Taylor rushed over and pulled her into a tight hug. The girl fought against her fiercely "Let me GO! I have to do this." Taylor held firm shhhing her and attempting to calm her down but the girl continued to fight against her, seemingly in a trance. Finally Taylor's strength won out and she had the girl enveloped in a tight bear hug – meaning she couldn't pull away. The girl was panting with the exertion and Taylor could feel her heart hammering in her chest. She held her close until the girl went totally limp "I'm sorry Tay – I tried. It's just just so loud" Taylor kissed the side of her head gently "you're ok – I'm going to help you. Just relax" They sat for another 15 minutes before Taylor pulled the girl onto her bed, laying beside her and playing with her hair until the girl fell into a deep sleep – Taylor lay there wide awake replaying that night all those months ago where she found the girl exercising at home, the night all her suspicions began. She reflected on how things had changed, on how bad everything had got and for the first time since this whole ordeal began she allowed herself to truly break down, she escaped from the teens room and padded back to her own bed, pushing her face into the pillow and sobbing quietly until she fell asleep.