You drew stars around my scars

Chapter 27

Jessica continued to refuse to eat at the hospital, Taylor visited her Sunday ready for her admission to the treatment centre Monday. The two of them sat in near silence again, Taylor rubbing her thumb across the back of Jessica's hand to comfort her.

The door to the room swung open and another Doctor appeared, he looked directly at Taylor only "We need to change Jessica's feeding tube. The one she has in now is only suitable for up to 14 days. We want to place one that lasts 28 days – that way the treatment centre can still use it when she arrives there", now he looked at Jessica "Hopefully after those 28 days she will be eating enough orally that they will just remove it - if not they will replace it again." Taylor nodded and signed a consent form allowing them to proceed. Jessica turned to Taylor, asking timidly "is it going to hurt?". Taylor shook her head "No baby, it won't hurt. It's probably not going to feel nice, but it won't be painful. It'll make you gag a bit but I'll be here the whole time". Jessica nodded – she knew there was no use in fighting it, last time they pinned her down and that made her panic more so she was going to allow them to just go ahead.

Soon the doctor arrived carrying supplies with a nurse close behind him, Jessica's heart began to pound and Taylor could literally see the panic rising. She sat on the bed, facing the teen and took her hand "it's ok – it won't take long. I'll be here", Jessica glanced at Taylor but her attention was quickly pulled back to the doctor setting his supplies up. Soon he approached the young girl and swiftly removed the old NG tube, Jessica wretched as it came up and the nurse offered her a sip of water. Jessica looked at Taylor, grimacing – silently trying to convey her please to make them stop. Taylor just gripped her hand harder, squeezing in reassurance. When the doctor turned away Taylor silently mouthed "I love you". Jessica gave one solemn nod.

The doctor asked Jessica to sit upright against the back of the bed, "'Alright I'm going to start to push the tube in, when it hits your throat you're going to gag – lucy here is going to hold a cup of water with a straw – if you sip on that it'll help it to slip down easier. It won't be pleasant but it'll be done quickly." Jessica nodded, feeling like she'd lost the ability to talk. Taylor squeezed her hand tightly again, trying to pull her back from the panic spiral she could see was happening.

The doctor approached Jessica, holding the tube up but Jessica moved away quickly "WAIT!", the doctor paused, the irritation on his face evident. Jessica closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. The doctor sighed loudly, Taylor glared at him and turned her attention back to Jessica "You're doing great baby, take a deep breath and tell us when you're ready". Jessica continued deep breathing for another 15 seconds or so then opened her eyes, looking directly at Taylor "Ok, I'm ready". Taylor nodded at the doctor who again approached the girl, Jessica's nose scrunched as soon as the tube hit her nostril, the doctor pushed it in quickly, and Jessica's eye's burned with tears immediately, as soon as she tube hit the back of her throat she gagged and instinctively her hands flew up to her face, attempting to push the doctor away – luckily Taylor caught her before she could do so, and held both her hands tightly. The girl apologised quickly, embarrassed. The nurse attempted to comfort her "you're doing really well – that's the worst bit. Here, have a sip of this water" as she put the straw against Jessica's mouth she sipped gratefully, but it didn't seem to help.

The doctor continued to push the tube in but Jessica wretched violently, her face was red and tears streamed out of her eyes. Taylor tried not to show her own fear, smiling kindly at the girl "keep sipping". Jessica continued to swallow the water as the Doctor tried to push the tube in, every time Jessica gagged he had to pause to ensure the tube didn't coil up so it was taking a longer time than normal. Jessica's eyes went wide as he pushed again "I'm going to be sick", the nurse quickly held a vomit bowl by her chin and as the doctor pushed the tube in further she gagged, and as predicted she vomited all the water straight back up. As she vomited the tube also came up, hanging out of her mouth. Taylor's jaw dropped before she quickly regained her composure. The doctor pulled it out quickly and left the room to get a new tube. The minute he left Jessica began to please "Tay, this is awful – please, get him to stop!" Taylor smiled at the girl but was knew she had to continue "It'll be over soon Buddy. We need the tube to make sure you can get the right nutrition. If I didn't think it was necessary then I promise I wouldn't be putting you through this. Remember – this will last for 4 weeks. If you start to eat properly within that time you will never have to do this again." Jessica roughly swiped the tears off her cheeks and nodded again. Looking down at the sheets instead of meeting eye contact. The doctor came back into the room and got to work again, he put some gel on the tube and quickly pushed it back into Jessica's nose and throat. The tears continued to stream down her face but she tried to breathe deeply so she didn't gag as much. After another couple of minutes the Doctor confirmed it was in, he checked positioning and then asked the nurse to secure it which she did quickly. Soon they both left the room, leaving Jessica and Taylor alone – Jessica immediately began to cry and Taylor pulled her into a hug – letting her cry into her chest. She knew the teen was overwhelmed and let her cry her emotions out. After another 15 minutes of crying Jessica pulled back and wiped her face, her eyes were swollen and red – "I'm sorry Tay – for all this. You're giving up your weekend to come and sit in a hospital with me." Taylor shook her head and reassured the girl "I'd sit here with you every single day if that's what is needed. You are my priority, always". Jessica touched the tube as Taylor watched her closely "That was the worst experience of my life! I am never ever going through that again."