You drew stars around my scars

Weekend visits

Once she had been readmitted to the treatment centre, they changed Jessica's antidepressants, increased her doses and made sure she took it. A few weeks of the right meds, plus proper therapy and better engagement from Jessica meant she was actually making progress and was working towards recovery.

Jessica had managed a few supervised meals with Taylor and she was now coming home for a weekend stay. Taylor would be picking her up on Saturday morning and dropping her off Sunday afternoon. In reality she was only going to be home for about 28 hours but it was a big step forwards for both Jessica and Taylor. While Jessica was excited, Taylor had mixed emotions – of course she was excited but there was a lot of apprehension too. She was worried about keeping Jessica safe and about making sure she ate the right things. She knew it was a good step forward though and was key in getting her home.

Saturday morning, at 10.30 Taylor pulled up outside the centre – Jessica had just had her morning snack and was finishing up her observation period while Taylor met with the team. They gave the blonde a strict meal plan for Jessica and were very clear there was to be no swaps or substitutions, Jessica was allowed supplements if she could not finish but was not allowed to deviate otherwise. They were very clear that if she refused to eat anything, she was to be brought straight back to the centre – there was to be no exceptions. Although Taylor knew it was all logical, it increased her own anxieties. She put on a brave face though – not wanting to worry the teen more.

Taylor walked to Jessica's bedroom and put on a wide smile "good morning buddy! You all packed and ready?"

Jessica smiled softly and nodded "yeah, I'm good to go..."

The teen walked over slowly to Taylor, the older woman wrapped her arm around the teen's shoulder "let's get you out of here then!"

They walked to the car, throwing Jessica's belongings in quickly. As they climbed into the front, Taylor turned to Jessica "I'm really exited to have you home this weekend..."

Jessica smiled shyly "I'm excited to be back"

Taylor reached out, rubbing her hand gently – she was slightly concerned by the teen's behaviour. She appeared subdued and anxious but Taylor knew this was another adjustment for her so she tried to give her space.

As they pulled up outside the house, Jessica climbed out – taking a deep breath before following Taylor inside.

Taylor led her upstairs to her bedroom and began to unpack the teen's bag – she wanted her to feel like she was back at home rather than a guest visiting and thought having her things packed away would help with this.

Jessica stood awkwardly, watching Taylor. Once everything was packed away, Taylor sat on her bed – she patted the spot next to her and Jessica sat down stiffly – not relaxing at all.

Taylor pulled her into a warm hug, she tucked the teen's hair behind her ear gently and smiled at the girl – she looked her up and down, taking in the moment of her being back.

Jessica was tense and reserved, she had been quiet the entire time and Taylor knew something was bothering her. Taylor squeezed her hand gently, her voice shaky "are you scared?"

Jessica looked down, biting her lip "I'm scared that the coping mechanisms I've learnt will be harder to use here – that I will want to default back to how I was before...but I guess that's the point of doing these home trips – to practice these behaviours before I am actually home. The more I practice them the better, right?"

Taylor smiled at her "absolutely – it will become second nature." Jessica nodded and smiled softly, Taylor's eyes brimmed with tears "You know – I am so proud of you. Last time we went through this, you only wanted it to go well so you could come home sooner. This time you want it to go well so you know you can stay on track – you're incredible"