You drew stars around my scars

Chapter 34

That night Taylor prepped dinner while Jessica sat reading her new book. As soon as it was done Taylor called the teen up the dinner table. Jessica surveyed all the food on her plate and sat down slowly, "Can I not have the garlic bread? I don't really like it...I'll have something else instead." Taylor didn't hesitate "Nope, that's your plan. We aren't deviating from it" Jessica grumbled "we deviated from it earlier". Taylor reached out and held her hand, forcing the teen to make eye contact "I am not negotiating about food. That's the basic rule." The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds, seeing who would give in first. Finally Jessica mumbled "fine" and picked up her fork. She stabbed the vegetables first and made her way through them, moving onto the potatoes then the chicken. She didn't make any chat with Taylor while she ate – focusing intently on her plate. Taylor noticed Jessica slowing down and encouraged her to continue. Taylor finished her food and sat and waited for Jessica to eat. Finally she picked up the garlic bread and nibbled her way through it. Taylor glanced at the clock "you have 5 minutes left buddy". Jessica sighed loudly, slumping more in her seat "I'm trying". Taylor nodded, keeping her tone even and calming "you're doing great. You are nearly done, there is just a few bites. I'm just reminding you of the timings." She watched as Jessica blinked quickly but ate the remaining bites of her dinner. Taylor reached over to clear her plate away "Great job buddy". Taylor quickly tidied the kitchen away then they returned to the living room and cuddled up, Taylor could feel Jessica tense in her arms so she ran her fingers through her hair to try and calm her down. After about 15 minutes of this Jessica turned to Taylor "I'm sorry for being rude." Taylor glanced down at her "you weren't rude baby. I understand it's difficult. You have eaten everything today – that's amazing. I am really proud of you. Do you know why you found it so challenging tonight?" Jessica fiddled with her fingers as she thought, after a few seconds she began "I think when I am at the centre – I know there is rules. I know I have to follow them to get out. I know it's literally their job to get me to eat and they don't have any 'love' for us, it's very black and white. This is the meal plan, this is the time. We have a routine. I realised I just didn't have a choice and I just go along with it. Here it's different – this is home. I'm kind of fighting a battle because I want to eat, to get better but that voice in my head is taunting me, telling me to try and get out of it. I am having to fight against that here. Plus – it's you. I guess that voice is just telling me that you might not know the rules, or you might give in easier. I know that's not right – but it's a different pressure. I am fighting to come home, but I guess I just didn't think about getting home and still recovering" Taylor smiled sadly at the teen "that's a big thing to admit and I am really proud of you. I understand it's completely different at home than it is there. I think you'll have to adjust to being here again – I am not going to let you get away with it. I know the rules. You have to realise that by coming home it doesn't mean you can 'get away with it' or slip up. I will be carrying on with all the same rules and routine as you have at the treatment centre. BUT you get to be here, with me, making steps forward and then slowly, slowly over time we will get more flexible. You'll be handed that control back in time – when you are ready. We will figure it all out and the team is going to be there to support us too" Taylor's expression turned to a playful one and she poked the girls side, tickling her "I can be very strict you know. Soon you'll be thinking the treatment centre staff were easier to trick than me. I've got eyes on you kid". Jessica giggled and rolled her eyes, turning to settle back into Taylor's arms, Taylor kissed the side of her head and pulled her close. The two of them got engrossed in more TV. Around 9pm Taylor realised the girl was asleep. She nudged her slightly "come on buddy – let's get you to bed". The girl was still half asleep as Taylor led her up to bed, tucking her in before slipping out to her own room. She fell asleep but kept waking up, convinced she could hear Jessica. The blonde laid there, thinking over and over that Jessica could be doing anything in that room and she wouldn't know. She got out of bed, padding down the hallway and gently pushed the door open, seeing Jessica sleeping soundly in the bed. She returned to her own bed and fell asleep again, at 4am when she woke for the 10th time she decided to check on Jessica again, just as she reached the teen's bedroom door, she hesitated then remembered about what Andrea had said earlier that day – she couldn't watch the teen every second, she needed to trust her. Jessica had eaten everything put in front of her that day, she had been honest about her feelings and she had given Taylor no reason to not trust her – Taylor took a deep breath and walked away from the girl's bedroom – padding back to her own bed and falling back asleep trying to calm the anxious feeling in her own belly.