You drew stars around my scars

A simple diet

Jessica had settled in well to school, she had a couple of close friends and was generally well liked. She put a lot of pressure on herself to do well – to get good grades and be a 'good student' but she knew deep down Taylor didn't care – as long as she was trying her best.

None of her friends knew about her eating disorder – she hadn't joined the school until she was in recovery and since she was slim but not dangerously underweight now nobody questioned it. Besides, for a lot of teenage girls body image and food was a hot topic of discussion so the odd comment Jessica made did not raise any suspicions.

There were many positives to nobody knowing but it also meant that there was no added compassion or sensitivity from her friends. They didn't know they should 'tread carefully' around Jessica and food.

All 4 girls had been invited to a party at the end of the month, Taylor had agreed for Jessica to go – happy she was socialising and making friends at the school.

Jessica's friend Charlotte sat down dramatically at lunchtime, pouting her lip "ergh everything here is SO unhealthy today", the other girls nodded sympathetically while Jessica's heart began to beat slightly quicker at the mention of food. Charlotte continued "I wanted to wear my new bodycon dress for the party but there is noooo way I can if I look like this!"

Jessica didn't say a thing, just listening carefully as the other 3 girls sympathised with her and added their own body hang ups. Jessica tried to act as normally as possible while feeling like her whole body was shaking with the anxiety she was experiencing.

Charlotte leaned forward, conspiring with the girls "how about we all go on a diet? We have a couple of weeks – we can definitely shift a few pounds – feel UH-MAZING for the party?"

All the girls nodded quickly, agreeing with the plan and Jessica realised that they were all looking at her, she nodded quickly – forcing a fake smile onto her face "I'm in!"

The three of them giggled and hugged – Charlotte sat back "I saw this plan on Instagram – I'll send it in the group chat, we can keep each other motivated – log what we are eating and our weight loss, keep each other on track!"

All of them were excited and Jessica felt a mixture of excitement and fear. She knew she could beat them all at the diet – she had all the tips and tricks, she finally felt like she would be 'the best' but she also knew it wouldn't be easy to trick Taylor. She sat there – trying to imagine all the scenarios in her head but she knew she couldn't do nothing.

She couldn't be the one not using any weight – the one who was the biggest at the party.

It wasn't like she was slipping back into her eating disorder – she was going on a little diet with friends. All the girls were doing it and they didn't have a problem with food, so it wasn't a bad thing – at least that's what she told herself. Soon that familiar buzz hit back as she dropped her fork "I'm starting right now"

All the other girls looked at her, pushing their own food away. They were all starting together. A strong bond growing between them.

That evening Jessica was keeping an eye on the group chat, watching as Charlotte sent through a 1000 calorie a day diet plan for them all to follow.

Jessica grumbled in the group chat 'ergh Taylor is so strict with food, dinners will be a struggle so will have to make up for it at lunchtime'

All the girls encouraged her – promising to support her and telling her she could do it.

What they didn't know was they were just lighting the fire inside Jessica, stoking her eating disorder again.

The mention of all the food, calories and weight had sent her back to that familiar place of wanting to lose weight, to be the skinniest, to have total control over what she was putting in her body. She had already plotted on how she could escape eating.