You drew stars around my scars

I can't trust you

One evening, after dinner Jessica was sitting on the sofa when Taylor plopped down next to her. The blonde immediately noticed the teen was tense "you ok there buddy?"

Jessica looked up, nodding slightly before turning back to the TV. Taylor frowned slightly but didn't comment, allowing the teen time to open up. When Jessica said nothing but began bouncing her leg anxiously Taylor reached out – a firm hand stopping her "you have to rest". Jessica rolled her eyes but sat still. A minute or two later she began to pinch the back of her hand repeatedly. Taylor glanced over at her, taking her hand "if you tell me what's wrong, I might be able to help"

Jessica shrugged "just tired"

Taylor sighed but played along "do you want to go up to bed? I can come and sit with you for a bit?"

Jessica shook her head but said nothing else. Taylor kept her hand firmly in hers so the teen couldn't hurt herself anymore. Jessica bit down gently on her lip, before biting harder in the same spot until her lip bled. Taylor noticed and gently pulled her lip free from her teeth "don't do that baby. I can see you're anxious – I am here to help whenever you are ready to talk, until then I will just sit with you and keep you safe"

Jessica nodded, eyes wide until she took a deep breath "I don't know why I'm anxious, I just am. My chest feels tight and my body just feels too much today. It's like everything is overwhelming and I just need to feel something else other than this panic."

Taylor nodded "OK. So we need to distract you. Is there anything you think might help?"

Jessica shook her head, her tone getting progressively more panicked "I'm too panicky to be distracted – I can't even focus on the TV so I don't want to colour or write or listen to music. My mind is just racing and I can't stop it. I just – I feel like I want to hurt myself"

Taylor took both her hands "OK, take a breath. Look at me"

Jessica did but immediately burst into tears "I'm so tired! I'm tired of feeling like this, tired of fighting. I just want it all to go away!"

Taylor pulled her into a hug, rocking her slightly "I know you're tired but you're also really brave. You're facing a constant battle and I know that must be exhausting for you but you still get up every day and keep pushing through. So I need you to be brave for a bit longer. How about if you go upstairs and have a nice, hot shower – wash your hair. I will braid it when you're out and we can get some clean PJ's on you. I know you said you don't want to be distracted but what if we don't distract you but we engage your brain or body? We could do some yoga – use up some of that nervous energy?"

Jessica nodded, sniffling slightly "that would be good..."

Taylor kissed her head gently "OK – you go and get started, I'll come up soon OK?"

The teen headed upstairs and Taylor sighed, running her hands over her face. She sat in silence for the next 10 minutes, trying to figure out a way to help Jessica – to stop this constant state of anxiety she was living in. When she felt she was getting nowhere and became more frustrated she pulled out her phone and dialled her Mum. Andrea picked up immediately "Hi Darling, are you alright?"

Taylor's voice was sad as she spoke "Hey Mum, I just needed a chat..."

They caught up for a couple of minutes before Andrea brought it back around "now, not that I'm not happy to hear from you – but I know there is something on your mind – I can hear it in your voice..."

Taylor sighed, swallowing down her tears "It's Jessica...I'm worried about her"

Andrea listened as Taylor recapped the last few days and explained how the girl seemed to be living in constant anxiety. Andrea's heart broke for the girl but she was practical "the thing is Tay. The only way to stop the anxiety is to work through it. No you can't just ignore it – but you can't take it from her either. You can provide her with healthy coping mechanisms and you can keep taking her to therapy so she has a safe space but you can't do the work for her"