You drew stars around my scars

I get it, really I do

The following week, Taylor had her weekly visit with Jessica. She was nervous heading into it, not knowing how the week had really been. In their daily phone calls, Jessica had just cried about how awful it was and how she wanted to come home – they hadn't yet moved past this and continued to have the conversation over and over. Taylor had actually come to dread the calls, knowing it was just a constant battle.

As she headed inside the doctors escorted her to their office, wanting to discuss with her. As she sat down and looked at their faces she grimaced "I'm guessing it's not good news?"

The doctor smiled sadly "She has lost even more weight than when she was admitted, she is refusing to eat and is very emotional at meal times. Her bloods and obs are now unstable. We cannot let this continue so we have decided to recommence an NG tube"

Taylor nodded and took a deep breath, the doctor continued "We will give her the opportunity to eat each meal and if not, a supplement will be placed down the tube. We will also be introducing a nocturnal feed too to make it easier for her body – this will provide 1000 calories at night"

Taylor nodded again, her voice wobble "OK, does she know?"

The doctor shook his head "No, we needed your permission first but we have two options – we can either place it today while you are here, or we can do it tomorrow"

Immediately Taylor spoke up "I want to be here, She is going to hate it and is going to need the support"

The doctor nodded, his voice kind "She isn't going to like it, but we really have no other option"

Taylor nodded, biting her lip "OK, well let's go and speak to her"

As they walked in, Jessica looked between Taylor and the doctors, gulping as she sensed something bad was coming. As the doctor sat down next to her, Taylor grabbed the teen's hand – squeezing it to reassure her that she was there to help.

The doctor spoke up "Before I start – I want to tell you the decision has been made already and you will not change our minds. The last 2 weeks have been very challenging for you and we want to support you the best way possible. We have had a discussion with the team and we have decided the only way to keep you safe right now is to use an NG tube"

Jessica looked at Taylor "NO! NO, please"

The doctor continued "you will still be given the opportunity to eat, and of course we hope you will but we have it in place as a back up. It will stay in place for 28 days and we will review it. We will need 7 days of consistent oral intake before we will remove it..."

Jessica began to cry "please, I hated it last time. I really don't want it"

The doctor nodded, "we understand that, really we do but this is our only option right now. I am going to go and gather the supplies and bring the nurses back with me, ok?"

Jessica just cried harder but Taylor smiled and nodded at him.

As soon as he was out the room, Jessica turned to Taylor, "Please Tay – PLEASE? I will do whatever you want"

Taylor stroked her head, smoothing her hair down "I just want you better"

Jessica nodded, eyes wide "I will, I promise. I'll eat"

Taylor shook her head, tears in her own eyes "I have heard that SO many times. So we are going to let them do this, and we are going to remember it's another step closer to you being well and able to come home to me, alright?"

Jessica sobbed harder now "they hurt! It's going to hurt so bad!"

Taylor shook her head, rubbing the teen's arm "they don't hurt – it's not nice going in but it's not painful. You just need to trust them, to trust me and let them do this"