You drew stars around my scars

Another dinner

Jessica's battle with food was an ongoing struggle. Taylor felt it was very up and down – some good and some bad days but Jessica knew they were all just bad days now.

Travis came over for dinner again which he had been doing regularly. Although Jessica still didn't enjoy eating in front of him, she was learning to tolerate it.

There were clear boundaries in the relationship and he never interfered with her eating – letting Taylor take the lead but he did work hard to distract her during meals and afterwards.

He had been present for a few of her meltdowns after eating and was slowly beginning to understand why Taylor was very firm with her.

During Monday's dinner, Jessica was highly anxious. There was no specific trigger or reason but she was more tired which usually meant she was less able to use her coping mechanisms.

As her, Taylor and Travis sat at the table, Jessica could feel the voices getting louder. They were screaming at her – telling her to stop eating, that she was ruining her life – that she wasn't good enough and she was a bad person.

Taylor could see that the girl was really struggling, her body was tense and she was pushing the food around more than she was eating it.

Travis was doing well at keeping the conversation flowing which Taylor was grateful for. She flitted between chatting with him and reminding the teen to eat.

When Jessica hadn't touched the food for a while, Taylor turned to her – smiling sympathetically "I know it's hard buddy and you are being so brave. Why don't you just focus on the next 3 bites. Let's do one bite of chicken, one of the green beans and one of the potatoes..."

Jessica looked at her, weighing up whether she could argue her way out of this but then she nodded - stabbing a tiny piece of chicken. Before she could even begin lifting it to her mouth, Taylor reached over – that is not a bite. Add a bit more please"

Jessica began to chew her lip as she cut another small piece of meat off, this time she showed it to Taylor and the blonde nodded and smiled at the teen to reassure her.

Jessica began to chew slowly, trying to stop the tears from welling in her eyes. She swallowed the bite of chicken and reached out – drinking her water to try and wash it down.

Taylor was listening to Travis' story but she smiled softly at the teen, mouthing 'you're ok'.

Jessica sat looking at her plate, trying to psych herself up to eat some more. As she thought about all the food in her stomach, she gagged loudly. As she swallowed it back down, she took another sip of water – finishing off the glass. She looked at Taylor "please can I get another glass of water?"

Taylor glanced at the teen, then the glass, then her plate. She knew that Jessica wasn't supposed to drink too much at meals as she used it as a way to fill up but she felt awful for the teen – it was clear she was struggling today. She nodded slightly, reaching out to grab the teen's glass.

As Taylor walked back to the kitchen, Jessica glanced over at Travis – checking he wasn't looking at her. When she confirmed he was focused on his plate, she grabbed a large piece of chicken off her plate – shoving it into the napkin on her lap.

As she looked back up, she saw Travis watching her. She froze as she realised he had witnessed her doing this. Before she could say anything, Taylor walked back in – the glass of cold water in her hand.

She glanced at the teen and immediately frowned "what's wrong?"

Jessica couldn't speak – her heart was pounding in her chest. Tears sprung to her eyes but she shook her head, trying to pretend it was all fine.

When she didn't get any explanation, Taylor looked at Travis – hoping he would shed some light on what had gone on in those few seconds.

Travis shifted uncomfortably – looking between Jessica and Taylor. He scratched his neck awkwardly "she erm, she hid food"

Taylor whipped round, looking at Jessica "what?"

The teen shook her head harder, but before she could protest Taylor held out her hand "show me"

Jessica looked between Taylor and Travis – figuring out if she could run to escape this.

Taylor glared at the teen "SHOW ME, NOW"

Jessica bit her lip, before handing Taylor the napkin with the chicken wrapped up inside. The older woman unwrapped it, inspecting the food before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She was about to lecture the teen, but when she reopened her eyes again she could tell how embarrassed Jessica was. She was bright red and avoiding eye contact.

Taylor put the napkin down on the table and turned to the travis "thank you for telling me"

He nodded, looking back down at his own plate – unsure of what else he should do or say. As Taylor turned back to Jessica, she realised the teen was glaring at Travis. She snorted softly "This is not his fault..."

Jessica looked back at her, anger coursing through her "it's not his business either..."

Taylor's eyes widened slightly "that was rude! Apologise now!"

Jessica's body slumped – all the fight leaving her instantly. She turned to Travis, mumbling a half hearted apology.

Taylor considered her next steps before sitting down next to Jessica "right, we have two options here. I can either replace it with a similar sized piece of chicken off of my plate OR you have a supplement"

Jessica shook her head "I don't want either!"

Taylor just shrugged, trying to be firm "it's not your choice. You don't get to avoid food."

Jessica looked down, picking at the skin around her fingernails anxiously. Taylor could seen her mind whirling, trying to process it. When the teen didn't speak up, Taylor rubbed her hand gently "if you don't choose, I will decide for you..."

Jessica blinked away her tears, trying to keep her voice even "fine. I'll have a supplement. BUT I am not eating the rest of this then..."

Taylor nodded, standing up and going to get a supplement drink. She handed it to the teen, watching carefully to make sure she was going to drink it.

As Jessica sat staring at the glass of supplement, tears dripped out of her eyes – she swiped at her cheeks furiously, ashamed to be crying in front of them both again.

Travis watched out of the corner of his eye – the guilt building up as he realised he was the cause of this distress in the teen.

Taylor noticed him watching and could sense he was feeling bad. She leaned in closer – squeezing his hand and whispering "you did the right thing". He smiled weakly at her, wishing he believed her.

He carried on chatting away, trying to engage both Taylor and Jessica in the idle chit chat.

Eventually, Jessica finished the supplement and they all got up from the table. Taylor forced Jessica to sit next to her, incase she tried to run and purge.

The teen was finally relaxing just as Taylor's phone rang. She stood up to go and answer it – turning to Jessica before she picked it up "don't leave. Sit there until I'm back"

Jessica nodded, hating that she had made Taylor nervous again.

As soon as the blonde was out of the room, Jessica turned to Travis – she hesitated for a second before taking a deep breath and speaking up, "Thank you for providing that boundary. The voices get loud. Sometimes I can't control it but I know I have to. When I give in – even though I hate it at the time – it helps to know I won't get away with it. It helps me to fight those voices if I know cheating isn't an option..."

Travis nodded along, listening intently to the girl "of course. I'm glad I could help. I'll always be here, if you want to talk..."

Jessica smiled softly, knowing she would never take him up on it – but appreciating the offer all the same "Thanks Travis...Taylor is lucky to have you...I'm glad she met you"

THE END