You drew stars around my scars

Progress

Jessica continued to make good progress and was allowed home for a week long stay. This was one of the final 'tests' to ensure she was ready to transition home. Taylor was more excited about it than Jessica seemed to be – although the teen was glad to be coming home, she was mostly nervous – worried that anything she did wrong would delay her discharge. She had now been in the treatment centre for 5 months and was SO ready to get home that she didn't want them to have any excuses to keep her there.

Taylor collected her and the team had set a series of challenges for the teen throughout the week including trialling some specific fear foods, getting food delivered so she had no control over the preparation or ingredients, and eating in front of other people again. All of them were supposed to be opportunities for Jessica to show her coping mechanisms and also simulations of 'real life' so that she was ready for when she was at home. Jessica was extremely nervous about all of them – she had learnt to cope when she was in her routine, with a specific meal plan but still found it extremely challenging when she deviated from this. Taylor reassured her that she would help her through them but was positive that they would have the opportunity to unpick behaviours while they still had the intensive support.

As Jessica sat on the sofa, re-reading the list of instructions for the week she jiggled her leg anxiously. Taylor noticed and sat next to her – rubbing her thigh comfortingly "hey baby – it's ok"

Jessica nodded but didn't look up – Taylor tilted her chin slightly "it seems a lot – but we have a WHOLE 7 days...let's think about how we can do this best to challenge you but without increasing your anxiety too much, ok?"

Jessica nodded, her voice wobbly "I think it would be better to do the fear foods for morning snack or lunch. If I did it in the afternoon or evening I'd be stressing about it all day..."

Taylor nodded, her voice calm and kind "that's a great idea"

Jessica bit her lip – anxiety showing through "but do you think that's acceptable? They won't think I'm avoiding it?!"

Taylor's heart broke at the vulnerability "it's not disordered behaviour buddy – you're still willing to try it – you're just identifying a suitable coping mechanism and I think it's very reasonable. In time we can challenge the times but for right now – you being willing to try the fear foods is a great step. The less anxiety you feel – the more positive the experience"

Jessica nodded, smiling softly. When the teen couldn't think of anything else, Taylor spoke up "how about we combine the last two? We could invite Tree over and order something on the same night?"

Jessica hesitated so Taylor jumped in "or not! If that's too much, it's ok..."

Jessica shook her head "no – I think it's a good idea. I wanted to see her anyway, she understands everything. It's a good way to do it...what would we order though?"

Taylor wanted to keep the topic of food and calories separate so shrugged "let's think about that closer to the time"

Jessica nodded "can you text her – see which day, just so I know?"

Taylor smiled and pulled out her phone, sending the invitation over.

A minute or so later, Taylor smiled "Tree would love to – she said she can do any day, what would you prefer?"

Jessica bit her lip "can we do it ASAP, that way if it goes wrong – we can try again..."

Taylor nodded "tonight?"

Jessica nodded, her body tense "yeah, tonight. Can we get pizza?"

Taylor was surprised but nodded "of course!"