You drew stars around my scars

Chapter 18

The next day Taylor had a studio session booked – she was nervous about leaving but also knew it would be good for her to get some space away to write.

She went downstairs and prepared scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast. As she handed one plate she Jessica she took a deep breath and began "I've asked my mum to come and sit with you today – I need to go to the studio, it's been arranged for over a year now and I can't get out of it – I tried." Jessica sighed and flopped down "I don't need a babysitter. Mum would leave me at home alone all the time. Actually it would be nice to just be alone for a while?" Taylor put her head in her hands in defeat, she rubbed her eyes tiredly and sighed before looking up "actually you do need a babysitter because right now I can't leave you alone without worrying whether you're going to eat, or whether you're going to make yourself sick or if you're going to collapse on the ground. So humour me, just let me have my mum look after you so I can have one day without worrying – please?" The guilt rose up in Jessica – unaware of the turmoil she was causing for Taylor, realising how selfish she was being. She was determined to behave today – so Andrea didn't have to worry Taylor. She nodded at Taylor and then whispered "what do I have to have to eat while she is here? What is my lunch?" Taylor sighed sadly again "you know we don't talk about food until it's time to eat, remember? The rules don't change just because I'm not here. My mum knows exactly what you need. Remember – she did this with me too? She's no easier to fool than me."

A couple of hours later Andrea arrived at the house, she greeted both the girls and surveyed both of their appearances. She noticed Jessica was looking increasingly frail but she also noticed that Taylor too was looking exhausted and like she had lost some weight. Taylor was stood in front of her and she had a hold of both arms, Andrea stared at her with a sad expression on her face and Taylor shifted uncomfortably, aware she was being scrutinised.

Taylor quickly said her goodbyes to Jessica and Andrea walked her to the door, Taylor quickly glanced over her shoulder, making sure the teen wasn't listening "She HAS to have lunch Mum, if she won't eat then there is the supplement in the fridge – she has to have it all no matter what she says. Keep an eye on her after she eats, make sure she doesn't purge. She isn't allowed to exercise but she keeps trying to cheat and she'll try and walk round the house just to try and burn some calories. I've been trying to get her to nap in the afternoons but she might not do that with you. If you need me, then just call – don't worry about interrupting me. If she doesn't eat – ring me and I'll talk to her." Andrea nodded calmly "we will be fine – she'll eat, I'll make sure of it. Put any worry out of your head, I'll tell you everything when you get home. You can't stress while you're there – just enjoy the time to decompress. Will you make sure you get some lunch too?" Taylor nodded "yeah I'm sure we will get something, if not I'll have a bigger dinner." Andrea blocked her leaving "No, Tay. You need to have lunch as well. I can see that you've lost weight. You can't burn yourself out." Taylor sighed slightly then nodded, she kissed her Mum goodbye and ran out to the waiting car.

Andrea went over to the sofa where Jessica was sitting, she could see she was nervous so she tried to put her at ease, she sat next to her "How are you doing sweetie?" Jessica shrugged "I'm ok – still crazy but Taylor is helping me so I'm sure it'll be ok". Andrea shook her head and squeezed the girl tightly "you're not crazy – you're just going through a difficult time. Nobody thinks you're crazy". Jessica gave a small nod and smiled at the woman.

They fell into a comfortable silence throughout the morning, Andrea reading her new book and Jessica flicking through different TV shows.

Andrea was about to start a new chapter when her phone buzzed with a notification from her friend, she checked the time - it was 12.45 so she got up and went to the fridge.

She saw Taylor had prepared two plates –one for her and one for Jessica.

She pulled them out and removed the wrapping, looking at the food. A memory flashed back into her head of making a similar plate for Taylor when she was struggling with eating. She remembered sitting there, holding her daughters hand tightly as she silently cried with each bite of food. Her heart ached as she remembered the feeling of desperation she felt, she hated that Taylor was now facing that same feeling of desperation.

She called Jessica into the kitchen and could instantly recognise that the teen's demeanour had changed, she was silent and withdrawn. Andrea could practically see her body trembling as she walked. Andrea put the plate down in front of her and took a seat opposite her. Jessica picked up the sandwich and took a miniscule bite, chewing very slowly. Andrea could see the tears glistening in her eyes. The teen forced a swallow and took a large gulp of water.

Andrea watched as the girl picked up the sandwich again, hesitating for around 10 seconds before she took another tiny bite. The teen wiped her face with her napkin and took another sip of water. Jessica sat for a few seconds and Andrea reached out to squeeze her hand "Keep going, you're doing great!". The teen nodded slightly but didn't move so Andrea tried again "How about another bite then darling?".

Jessica robotically picked up the sandwich and brought it to her mouth, she took another bite. Andrea looked at the sandwich, the three bites the teen had taken hadn't even covered 1/8th of the sandwich. Jessica put the food down and reached for the water again but Andrea moved it out her way "try not to drink between every bite – it's going to fill you up. Have another bite or two and then I'll give it back". Jessica felt the tears trickle out her eyes down her cheeks and she swiped them away, embarrassed to be crying in front of the woman. Andrea encouraged her for a few more bites then let her have a small sip of water. Jessica took another bite of sandwich, at that exact Andrea's phone buzzed and as she picked it up and looked at the screen Jessica quickly spat out the bite of sandwich into the napkin. Andrea smiled as she read the message "it's just Tay, checking in to make sure I'm taking good care of you." Jessica smiled back, her heart beating with the anxiety of not getting caught. Andrea glanced at the teen then typed out a reply to Taylor, Jessica seized the opportunity and took another couple of big bites, she brought the napkin up to her face, pretending to wipe her mouth but actually spitting the food into it. About half the sandwich was gone now. Andrea put her phone back down and encouraged the girl to continue. Jessica refused, sitting back in her chair "I'm full." Andrea glanced at her plate "can you try just a couple more bites?" Jessica pouted slightly, "I'm really full, my stomach hurts. Can I just have half the supplement instead?". Andrea smiled sadly "you can have the supplement but Taylor said you have to have it all". Jessica frowned slightly "that's not the rules! If I eat half then I only have to drink half". Andrea shrugged slightly "I can text her and ask her? But also, don't think I didn't see you getting rid of half that sandwich into your napkin darling. I'd say you've eaten less than 1/5th of your lunch. So I can either ask Taylor, or you can just drink it all".

Jessica's face burned with shame when she realised she had been caught. She mumbled she would drink the whole supplement and Andrea quickly got it from the fridge and set it in front of the teen.

Jessica glared at it slightly, psyching herself up to drink it, Andrea picked it up and put it in Jessica's hand "Come on darling, you only have 15 minutes". Jessica's lip trembled slightly, "Please can I have some more water? I hate the taste of them so I like to drink water afterwards." Andrea hesitated, unsure if the teen was trying to fool her again – finally she agreed and hurried to refill Jessica's glass.

When she returned Jessica quickly drunk the supplement in a few big gulps then tried to hold back a gag before she swallowed half the glass of water.

Andrea took both the glasses away and led them into the living room "Tay said you've been having a nap, do you want to try now?" The teen shook her head, embarrassed by the feeling of needing a nap time like a baby. "Can we go for a walk instead? Pass the time?" Andrea smiled sadly "sorry, no exercise. That's the rules. Just sit there and chill out for a bit.". Jessica sat, absent mindedly watching TV, Andrea watched at the young girl's eyes dropped and she fell asleep.

Jessica slept all afternoon, not even stirring when Taylor woke up.

Andrea could see Taylor looked lighter for having some time away, she looked less tired and there was more light in her eyes again. She sat Taylor down and made her a snack despite her protests that she had already eaten – Andrea didn't care if she'd had lunch, she could see Taylor had lost weight and wanted to look after her.

The two women were chatting for a couple hours, catching up on everything.

Just as Taylor was telling her Mum a story about the song she made today, Jessica stumbled into the kitchen – she was still groggy with sleep but her eyes were wide with fear. Taylor took one look at her and jumped up, rushing over to her "Is everything alright? Are you ok?" Jessica shook her head slightly, blinking back tears as she muttered "I don't feel good, my chest really hurts. Tay I think I need to go to the hospital"