You drew stars around my scars

Battles part 2

The next morning Taylor had to wake Jessica up to eat her breakfast – the teen was slowing pushing the cereal around the bowl, only taking a small bite every couple of minutes. Taylor could see the internal battle going on in the girls head and she cringed as she had to deliver more bad news "Hey Buddy?" the teen glanced up – sensing the blonde's anxious tone, Taylor took a deep breath and continued "I know you've been saying you don't feel very well all week, so I booked a doctor's appointment today. We are going to get ready straight after breakfast and leave, ok?"

Jessica visibly flinched, anger overcoming her face "WHAT? NO! I don't need to go to the doctor's – there is nothing they can do to help!"

Taylor swallowed "well I just want them to check you over. Maybe do some blood tests. I'm worried that you've lost weight again" Jessica shook her head, tears springing into her eyes "Tay, please don't make me. I haven't been eating well but I promise I'm fine. I just need a few days of rest to recover..."

Taylor reached out and squeezed her hand "You have had a few days to rest and recover – it's not getting any better. So we need to go and see somebody for some help. Nothing to worry about." The girl nodded, trying not to cry – deep down she knew she had spiralled back into eating disorder habits but she didn't want Taylor to know that – she just wanted to lose a few more pounds.

As soon as breakfast was over, Taylor dragged her upstairs, hurrying her to get ready. As Jessica was getting dressed Taylor's phone dinged. She picked it up, reading the message from Tree 'How is everything today? Did you get a doctor's appointment? xx'

Taylor glanced at the teen before replying 'we have an appointment at 9, just getting J ready. Not sure who is more nervous – her or me xx'

Almost immediately she received a reply 'I'm so glad you've got an appointment, it's a good thing to reach out for help. You need to remember you're not doing it to be cruel – it is all for her own good. You need support too. You will both be absolutely fine, nothing bad is going to happen. I'll ring you after to chat xx'

Taylor read the message, smiling at the support she had around her. The teen stood quietly in front of her "I'm ready". Taylor nodded, standing up quickly "let's do this. I am so proud of you for being brave"

The journey was uneventful and they were soon called back to see the Doctor. As soon as they sat down and were asked what the problem was Taylor realised Jessica was not going to talk so she explained, "Jessica has been feeling unwell for the past week. She hasn't been eating – she complains of headaches or feeling sick. I'm sure you're aware but she is currently in eating disorder recovery. I wanted to come and just have her checked over to make sure there was nothing wrong." The doctor smiled kindly and nodded. He quickly took all of Jessica's obs, noting her blood pressure, oxygen levels and temperature were all completely normal "I would like to get your weight today Jessica, would that be ok with you?"

Jessica looked up briefly "erm, I'd rather not". The doctor looked slightly taken aback, Taylor rolled her eyes "Yes, that's fine. Jessica stand on the scales". The tone in her voice plus the look on her face showed there was no room for arguing so reluctantly Jessica stood up, walking over slowly to the scales – trying to delay the inevitable. She smiled slightly when she saw the number had dropped down. She sat back down next to the blonde who quickly squeezed her hand.

The doctor sat opposite them "I am sure that this is a classic relapse. Medically there are no concerns, we will do a quick blood test to check your infection markers but I am not concerned. I think we do need to nip this in the bud" He turned to Taylor now "We have to think about options if Jessica is unable to maintain her weight. Obviously we could consider inpatient treatment again" Taylor's jaw dropped that they were even discussing this, the Doctor noticed her reaction and continued "or obviously if that is not what you want you could consider a partial hospitalisation – she would attend the treatment centre during the day, eating all her meals there under the supervision of staff again and undergo therapy but she would be able to return home at night". Jessica's breathing was becoming erratic and Taylor noticed, rubbing her thumb over her hand "I think we would just prefer to manage at home. I appreciate we need to keep on top of it but it feels very drastic to jump back to hospitalisation immediately." The doctor nodded "You don't have to make a decision today – you can think about it, just know the options are there. We do not want to return to a place where she is so medically unstable her life is at risk again. I would say we will need to review weekly again for now, monitor her weight. Let's get those bloods done and I will call you later with the results?" He got to work quickly taking the teen's blood – she barely flinched, overtaken with panic about his words – she knew she had relapsed slightly but couldn't bare the thought of being put back into hospital.

They drove home in silence, both of them contemplating what they had been told.

As soon as they walked through the door, Jessica went to head to her bedroom but Taylor pulled her back, she squeezed the girl into a tight hug "I know that was scary today – it must have felt overwhelming, but I promise you that as long as you try – I have no intention of putting you back into hospital. But you need to start trying baby, I don't want it to be like last time where we are forced into a situation. Ok?"

Jessica nodded stiffly, holding back tears again "I want to eat, I want to be better. It's just so hard. I promise I will try though. I don't want to go back there. Is it ok if I take a quick nap? I feel exhausted"

Taylor nodded, kissing the side of her head "go ahead, I'll pop up and check on you in a while baby. Just rest."

The teen slumped away, desperate to sleep away the anxious feeling she had bubbling away.

Taylor sat down, pulling up her meal plans on her computer from the first few weeks back at home – realising she needed to clamp down on meals and snacks again. As she began to re-read them she lost track of time. About 12.30pm the doorbell went and she rushed over to it, unsure of who could be there. She was surprised to see Tree standing outside, as she let the redhead into the house her face must have shown her confusion as Tree told her "you haven't answered any of my calls or texts, did something happen? How was the appointment?"

Taylor sighed, the tears she had been biting back all flowing freely now "it was actually pretty awful. She has lost over 7lbs. They basically said it is just a relapse but rather than support they just talked about putting her into hospital again, even when I said we didn't want that they talked about 'partial' hospitalisation"

Tree's face softened "oh honey I'm sorry. How did she take it? What's partial hospitalisation?"

Taylor led her to the kitchen, her hands shaking slightly as she poured them both a coffee "basically where she goes in all day, has her meals there then just comes home to sleep", Tree nodded, her eyes narrowing "would that be such a bad thing?" Taylor turned around immediately, anger all over her face "Yes! I want to look after her here!"

Tree held her hands up defensively "Hey, all I'm saying is there is no shame in accepting help Tay. I'm worried about you. You are looking exhausted again – you're obviously anxious. It's ok to admit you're struggling". Taylor took a long sip of coffee "I'm not struggling. I just need to get back on top of it. I've let everything slip. I am fine though Tree", the older woman nodded slightly, glancing at the blonde's shaky hands "what have you had to eat today?"

Taylor looked down "I haven't had lunch yet...I was distracted. I need to make Jessica's lunch then I'll eat after." Tree sighed "and breakfast?"

Taylor looked at her, guilt over her face "well I was anxious about the appointment...so I didn't actually have anything..i was so focused on getting Jessica to eat then getting ready – I just forgot" Tree rolled her eyes "Taylor, it's nearly 1pm and you haven't eaten. It's not healthy – you need to set a good example. Where is Jessica now?"

"she's napping. I'm going to get her up though, do you want to stay for lunch? Help me out with her? I think we will get some resistance today – it's the first day she is going back onto her full meal plan and she is not going to like it"

Tree smiled sadly "lunch would be great – you just let me know when I can step in and I'll gladly help" Taylor pulled her in for a quick hug before rushing to wake the teen up. As both of them came back downstairs Taylor grimaced at Tree slightly, indicating the teen was not happy at the thought of eating. As Jessica came round the corner she spotted the redhead sitting there and in that moment knew she wasn't going to get away with anything, she groaned – the anxiety growing.

The three of them made general conversation as Taylor prepped lunch for them all, as soon as the blonde gave her the plate she went to argue about the food on there but was quickly stopped "enough. You heard what they said – it's this or the hospital. Now come on, we need to get you healthy again. This is just the next step in your recovery."

Jessica nodded, exhausted of fighting about food constantly. Slowly she picked up the fork and lifted a bite of food to her lips, knowing she had no choice but to recover once and for all. 

Any other ideas - comment or inbox. I am thinking about some angty Taylor stuff?