You drew stars around my scars

Tree's struggle

Tree found she was exhausted all the time. She had absolutely no energy and no drive to do anything. She decided to go to her doctors to get checked out, just to make sure there was nothing bad going on. They had run blood tests but rung her to confirm they were all normal.

Although she was relieved, she was also more confused – not knowing why she felt this way. She began googling what was happening and as she read through – she began to wonder if she was suffering from depression. She didn't feel depressed – she just felt tired, SO tired but when she did a couple of the online quizzes, they all pointed towards low mood.

She decided not to think more about it – she convinced herself she didn't have depression – she would know if she was depressed. Besides, she didn't feel depressed – she just felt tired and irritable... This went on for a few weeks. She gradually withdrew from everyone – not having the energy to deal with people.

Tree usually responded to all of Taylor's videos of Emmeline or Jessica – she usually loved catching up with what was going on with them. Lately though, the thread of them seemed a bit overwhelming and she struggled with things to say that didn't sound fake and insincere. Instead she opted to 'like' the messages so Taylor knew she had seen them and appreciated them without actually having to respond.

When Tree hadn't responded for a few days, Taylor messaged her 'are you ok?'

Tree sent a thumbs up – it was all she could manage. Taylor was confused but figured she was busy at the moment. Tree was never one to hide away so she figured if she had a problem then she would reach out to Taylor. Taylor messaged her 'do you want to come over this weekend? Have a movie day with us?'

Tree sighed, she wanted to but she just didn't have the energy. She wanted to sleep – needed to sleep. She had nothing left to give and just wanted to be left alone. She typed out another quick message 'thank you, but I just need a couple of days to myself...not feeling great'

As she put her phone down, it buzzed again – she glanced at it 'no problem – let me know if you need anything xx'

This time, she ignored it – burying herself away again.

On Monday, they were at the offices for a work meeting. Usually Tree would be switched on and able to answer any questions – she sometimes even knew more about different departments than many others. Today though she seemed distracted and her frustration was growing at how long everything was taking. Somebody asked her about a schedule for release week she looked up and fear crossed her face "I...I can't remember – I will get it send out via email later today..."

Everyone else nodded, unphased by this but Tree was mortified. She avoided eye contact with Taylor for the rest of the meeting, ashamed and embarrassed. Taylor wasn't bothered that she didn't know but she was shocked as it was so unlike her.

When the meeting ended, Taylor pulled her to one side as everyone else filtered out. When they were alone in the room, Taylor sat back down "what's going on with you?"

Tree bit her lip "sorry I didn't know about that – my mind just blanked. I'll-"

Taylor held up her hand "I don't care about that. What is going on with you?"

Tree scoffed this time "nothing!"

Taylor narrowed her eyes "we haven't heard from you"

Tree shrugged "I told you – I just need time to myself..."

Taylor shook her head "We have given you time, but it doesn't seem to have helped."

Tree looked down and Taylor spoke up again, her voice more vulnerable this time "If I've done something, please just tell me – I want to make it better"